Loss before losing

Having read a post by my steemit mate @galankp I thought back on going through a loss of self with my dad just before he died in 1985 after a physical tragedy during which time he was in so much pain that he lost his memory and I was standing there as a twelve year old who worshiped my father, watching this man not know who I am, wanting his recognition and love and he just got angry because he didn't know who I was and what I was doing there. They had to restrain him as he was pulling out his drip needles and he wanted me to untie him and I couldn't so that made him even more angry. I really looked up to him so seeing him and remembering him like that is awful.

I went through the same thing with my grandmother and it started happening to my mom to some degree shortly before she passed.

These are hardships that suck (to say the least) in ways some people can't begin to understand. I looked after my mom for from the age of 12 as she suffered from severe depression, anxiety and mild periodic skitsofrenia till she died in 2008. The rest of the family kept their distance, I think it was just too much drama to deal with for them, too much effort. I still get angry remembering all the hardships we endured alone, all the possibilities I passed up while everyone else's lives progressed. I loved my mom so I never resented her, but did feel a great deal toward everyone else.

Not wanting to see the ones you love like that does not make you a bad person, it's a form of emotional self preservation as long as you keep going, remembering that they didn't ask for the situation they are in and need your love and support.

After my dad's death, growing older and losing so many family and friends I have come to the point where I rather see the ones I care for go off to where there is no pain. I am a religious person and to the frustration of many these days very "old fashioned" in my values and beliefs, but hey seeing I don't shove anything down other's throats I don't really care who thinks what about it.

Keep visiting your mom, dad, gran or whoever you know that is in a position where they are mentally declining. Be that person that does without expecting.