I have been stumbling in the dark searching for the best course of action: one that allows me to relax in a sense of safety while also being myself. While I have come up with many options, none of them offer me comfort. I went to sleep numb from anxiety, I woke up swirling in that numbness.
So what is my advice to others when they experience intense distress? Take a break. Tend yourself. Make the time to check in and ask what serves my highest good right now?
Today, I asked myself the question several times. I thought it might be a phone call, sending an email, reading a book. None of those is right. What I need is a true break from the spaces where contact with this person will happen.
While an active relationship of any kind is not a goal I have, a sense of security is. Security with contact, because contact will happen. I keep thinking to myself, if I could just have this conversation this person would, what? Hear me? I have said the same words before and it didn't work. Instead, I grew more fearful and they grew more angry with me. Talking isn't getting us anywhere. Not talking is also not getting us anywhere. In fact, it seems to be fuel for the other person to attempt damage against me.
What is the conversation I need to have with myself? That is what I should be asking. What is already present inside me, wanting to be heard that I am not hearing?
I am afraid. My intuition tells me to do something that will result in backlash. I don't want more hurt. I don't want more pain. I want peace. Quiet. The ability to move freely. I feel chained.
So I will rely on the techniques that serve me best: candles, aromas, music, and repeating to myself this refrain: It will get better.
images via pixabay.com
