My Learning Curve: Finding My Voice Again

Over all writing comes much more natural and easy to me than speaking. I am always sure and slow to express what I feel or how I think. When writing, there is no sense of urgency about putting what has come in to words and what's coming, there are no thoughts that I can not make precise so the thoughts have a chance to be formed just right then written so that when written it will be right. Written on paper ( or through typing) or in a message, I feel much more accurate speaking rather than face-to-face as often spoken. I often find myself wondering if in fact having the ease to write something well makes me a capable of communicating well. Today I am quickly learning that this may not be true at all; those are two very different skill sets.

I know that writing and communication with written material will have been the easiest skill to pick back up. From describing, explaining, or detailing what I think, have been the easiest things. All of these come at my discretion and give me a chance to think beforehand of what to speak, therefore this usually gives me a lot of confidence speaking it.

This written form is currently proving so difficult, though: conversation. For the past 13 odd years I’ve steered completely clear of interviews and public/work like situations; now I must learn to be able to hold an audible conversation with a face. I am slowly learning now to trust that I can still keep and hold a conversation, learn a new person with ease, and speak fluently (without me wondering after it’s finished if I managed okay); for now, though, normal everyday conversation sends me into deep thought of what to say next.

During the preparations of interviews I am quickly learning that the simple fact that I can write about it isn’t good enough. It does not work through an interview with a speaker; that won’t cut it for me. I have to practice speaking, and practicing listening, practiced talking and practiced speaking with confidence. To begin with all that I am doing comes natural like being a total loser; though it’s teaching me that it’s not that I can't communicate…it's that I have only stopped doing it and haven't got back in practice.

Through both these trials I am learning what sort of person I actually am. That the skills I naturally have for writing mean my thoughts are already trained at constructing what I feel and need to say. My lack of skill at speaking means that speaking can only be perfected by hard work, patience and time; it doesn’t mean I can't talk to anybody.

Basically my learning curve is currently steep: I am getting confidence in myself again, i am relearning what it's like to have my voice be heard out loud and know it. I'm not quite there yet and I will probably stumble a little bit between the spoken word before it starts to feel natural, and again there will be days I fail to hit it right after an interview is done, or a small talk seems to go nowhere; however, every conversation, every interview, makes for a better writer and a better speaker. The writing still comes easy but speaking will be a more trying skill to master.

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