I guess it took me longer than I thought to get back here. Some thoughts . . .
These last few months have taught me that no one can keep my house better than I can, but it is okay to bring in help.
It is not fun needing help. It increases my sense of vulnerability. My life has not been "stable" lately. I am accepting this "off" period as an opportunity. From it I can learn where to best implement boundaries, types of care or supports I need for happiness and who I can lean on. The most beautiful fruit this period has borne is recognition of true friendships.
It turns out many of my friendships were superficial. At first, that realization was intensely painful. After the red herring relationships fell away, I was left with a handful of friends who offered me far more in the way of love than the other combined relationships of my life.
I suppose you could say I was tidying my heart's house? But not alone. It was tidied with help brought in, and my heart is shinier for it.
xoxo,
Dani