The past year has been a drastic change for me. When 2024 started I left my hometown and apartment behind. Quit my job and moved back "home", very few are as fortunate as me to have somewhere to go and be able to just leave everything outside.
From the chaos I walked into something more calm, more structured in many ways if only for the absence of much.
I think I as many would, went into it with new hope and ideas of potential. This is where you realise that what keeps a person from achieving such seemingly grandeur delusions if only given the time. What keeps you from them is not the chaos you left behind but the chaos inside yourself.
It does ring true that you are your own worst enemy.
However I do not care to harp on with pseudo philosophy and merely want to jot down a few random thoughts.
Aside from any professional gains as one might hope a hiatus to be marked by I have made more mundane gains that will likely last me a lifetime.
I think I am far more aware of what I like and don't. More than that I am far more likely to not tolerate what I don't want to merely for the sake of others. I think most online know me as someone who says what I like, but honestly I am nothing if not a conflict avoidance pro. Online , and there is a difference between a known image and a unknown. Online, I am merely the vocal part of my thoughts, but in real life I have never found the voice as effective. So I guess that is a roundabout way of saying I am more often finding my voice, which at times can even echo my true will.
I think that is pretty cool.
Another is that I have gained quite a bit of weight which frankly I didn't think is possible beyond eating like a damn glutton. However just having consistency in my days and a poignant lack of stressors I have gained, and aim to gain at least double that. This comes with a few benefits, for one energy I never bloody knew I had, the strength to and will to keep exercising because I can't be having saggy tits now can I.
As for what this next year brings. Maybe next I will find the pieces for those more grandiose hopes.
