I tend to walk in a circle when I take a smoke break at work. This is a habit I have always kinda just had. I would standstill - mostly - if someone speaks to me but soon I just continue on my way to nowhere.
When I do this apart from the shopfront that is a dead zone, I get to survey the area for serial killers, rapists, muggers, inconspicuous old ladies who will stab you first chance they get.
I get to think of random things or nothing in particular. It is a circle so I don't exactly waste any mental energy thinking about where I am walking.
Silly people let me be.
When I go let there not be a smile.
Let there not be a thought or a cheer.
No memory of me ever having been here.
Then I thought well that is a bit hypocritical since I would remember someone whether fondly or not.
This is where I wish they made much longer cancer sticks. Since I will then proceed to counter everything I thought of.
...or
I will just dismiss it, because like I always say: "I should always be excluded unless it is negative." So something like being remembered and thought of fondly is ok for me to do of others.
Now, all of that is completely unspoken. I would be dead so how would I even know. The problem is that I said it while I am alive. So obviously someone is going to counter: "Hey, hold it right there bucko."
Even if that someone is me. It does not mean I change my mind. It just means I am aware of the flaws.
Even saying, only include me in the negative which mainly just means insult me as you wish. It could, however, mean, go ahead use me for your next torture session. It all depends whether a person is rational.
Sadly, the world is becoming less rational by the minute which may mean I need to revise some of my self deprecating thoughts. Not that I have an issue with them. Just that it may give one of those serial killer old ladies the permission they need.
She then records what I say and the Judge agrees that I was in fact being perfectly nihilistic which warranted a bit of torture before death. I would then be charged for breaching contract since I escaped and had the audacity to charge Grandma Death with attempted murder.
