Seeing as one of my biggest future concerns is what to post about, I decided to grab a prompt from the Weekend Engagement

Future concerns

When it comes to the future I tend to have a broad view of a main path and many offshoots going to alternatives, as time passes one will morph into the main and others will fade from memory.

The biggest threat to my future I think is the unwillingness to act in the hope of certainty. Instead, I wait for certainty.

It is no secret that I absolutely detest my work and the fact that I have to deal with Flesh-monsters on daily basis, with that I would say that given my history of work; I will possibly be stuck in the same type of work until I die.

Oddly I have never really concerned myself with having more and getting a job that pays this or that much.

Maybe it is because I tend to make such decisions on a need-to-be-done basis, so I do trap myself into jobs that are not exactly going to be rewarding any which way.

I think there have been at least 2 times that I did not have to take a job and unfortunately we already know I failed to utilize those opportunities.

It is like that irritating saying "Double-Edged Sword".

I am usually able to find a job in no time flat, I have no real skills and none that I use on the job, and the ones that do get used during work - ie Graphic Design - well it becomes tedious and particularly irritating to do something I actually enjoy for these Things who want pointless pretty pictures and business cards.

Anyway, I am digressing into a ramble. So the other edge is; I find a job I hate but I do it quickly, so that is something right.

Repeating History

As I have now said, my biggest concern tends to be repeating history. Although I am actively living the current scenario, it is just a repetition of what I have always done.

With that comes stagnation and the temptation to wait for the perfect time.

But the perfect time to do what?

Which step should you be at when it is the "Perfect Time".

Questions like how long and what, when and where are stupid when dealing with the future.

Although in retrospect you can answer each one perfectly when it comes to the future and more precisely changing your future; It is about just moving.

Now that I know I fear repeating history, the thing is do I fear it enough? It is kinda cosy you know, I have the basics, I have things I do to pass the time, and for the most part, I can reliably say I won't ever really have to worry about having some food and mostly a place to live.

Obviously all the above are only reliable given I am willing to make concessions in what I truly want or how much I need.

A bedroom in some house, something small to eat each day so I get through to tomorrow and go to work so I feel like I am supporting myself...

From the road to the ditch living really.

Before you know it you don't mind the smell.

I know I have said it but this time it is for sure; this is really my future concern.

I get so comfortable in my ways and what I am able to "REACH" that I never just jump and grab hold.

Obscurely Hopeful

I don't know if you have picked up on it yet but I don't tend to get too concrete on things. Even if I could say I just need more money and a good place to live that hardly covers the journey.

You know what really irritates me are clips where people brag about how much they made and how simple it supposedly is, breakdowns of "My Rise" which hide the fact even though they did it over years their success still could be attributed to a throw of the dice.

As someone who is mostly set in my ways, comfortable with accepting how far I can reach without getting up and generally prone to periods of not doing anything in particular.

I am also someone who is readily able to theorise across many possible paths and when it comes to planning I do like every detail where I can but realise that in the end the main path will be built from pieces of all the others.

Just to be clear, I do not like change.

I just know that change is required but physically and in practice, I tend to not change in a controlled manner; Not as well as I do in my mind.

Each time I have left a job and or made a change like even moving has been quite spontaneous; I don't really recall a single time I knew about my decision even a weekend ahead of time.

I just burn it all.

And if this is not sounding concretely like a future concern then just remember any change is a concern to me.

I think the burn it all mechanic or spontaneity comes from my complacency, _{(dangit think there a spot before this I could use that word)}. I procrastinate so much in my complacency that I am forced to make decisions when I no longer have a choice or lack the ideal theoretical path which I may have been working on for a long time.

Right Now

That is kinda where I am right now, I know the past, and can see pieces of multiple paths ahead, but before me is a precipice that goes down into an abyss, tomorrow will come and either the same 'ol piece of road will be filled in - basic sand and stone.

I could keep working on whatever it is I have currently determined to be the next step, and the path will be filled in with sand and stone still but maybe a few bricks scattered in between.

As far as my thinking goes, that is a pretty solid plan, eventually, I will walk on a diamond road...

And as much as I may aim to work harder, and smarter and even indulge my complacency by trying to trick it with periods of not doing anything in particular, I do wonder sometimes.

Is this just a damn loop?