One of the things I have tried to be cautious about is repeating the mistakes my dad made in raising me. Although I now understand that he was only trying so hard so I could survive and thus never really had time for me and my sister, I can not still shake the feeling of neglect I felt as a child and I think it would happen to me as well. I have not been really close to my siblings as I wish, and despite the fact that I have really good intentions and big plans for them, I have not done enough to really show them those plans and intentions.
I give them money from time to time, but it’s not enough and it was the same thing my dad did to me as a child. The issue is I have not found a way to connect with them, and the thought of that gives me the chills sometimes. I do not know how to connect with kids, I do not even know how to discipline them, I do not know how to relate with them to bring respect and all, I do not know how to shout at them, when I try to do it, I tend to overdo or under do it, unlike my sister who does it seamlessly.
This is exactly how my dad was growing up, and it affected our father and son relationship. In order to try to avoid making the same mistake in future, I want to bring my brothers close. I am years ahead of them, and I want them to experience that fatherly love from me. If I can do it with them, I can do it with my kids as well. They say fatherhood changes a man, but I would want to start acting like a father before I really become one.
