I know people may shy away from these more "difficult" topics, but I really, really enjoy it. I wouldn't say I'm morbid by any stretch of the imagination, but I have been described by many as extremely "cold". It is perceived that way because I am extremely pragmatic and logical in the face of adversity. Some of this is just the way I'm made...lolol...and a good portion of this is due to my training and exposure to a multitude of dynamic and rapidly changing traumatic events.
That being said, I get a great deal of satisfaction contemplating situations others may feel are too heavy. So of course I choose who I would visit and speak to if I only had 250 minutes to live. I will list the people in order and then expound upon why and the potential topic of conversation. My list of people would be my grandchildren, my daughter, and my wife.
Although they are both probably too young (grandson 5, granddaughter 2 months) to get much conscious benefit from our conversation, it would give me a great source of peace to know that maybe a small influence from my words may be absorbed into their subconscious to guide them with future decisions and dilemmas. For them, I would try to express the extreme importance of being not only true to yourself, but unflinchingly honest with yourself. I would convey how very, very precious and valuable kindness is and that it is something you should saturate humanity with! I would tell them to be fast and free with their emotions, feelings, and compliments of others. I would encourage them to explore other cultures with a passion. I would beg them to adore the smell and feel of old books and an excellent cup of coffee. I would tell them to collect other people's stories as a valuable treasure to store with care and consideration. My final words to them would be of the immensity of my love for them and that anger is a cancer and love is a balm for the soul.
To my daughter I would tell her, once again, that she was my savior. She above so many other things had the power to save my soul and bring from a path of destined destruction. I would let her know how much I thoroughly enjoyed being her daddy and raising her. I would tell her how much pride I felt knowing I may have had even a small part in the amazing woman and mother she grew to be! I would let her know that she possesses so much more strength, talent, and determination than she could ever know and that it would be a mortal sin if she were not to continue to paint as much as she possibly could. My final words to her would be to thank her for saving me from a life determined to be tragic and that being her father was my most cherished role in my life.
There is not enough time left in eternity to even begin to cover how much I adore my wife and what she has meant to me. The only goodness that is in me is because of her. She sees in me only what I can scarcely imagine and always allows me to strive for greatness in my explorations. She makes me want to be a poet, prophet, and pontificator. She is my everything and I married so far out of my league that every day feels like I'm living in the hazy bliss of a long, long ago fairytale. She is the air for my lungs and the sustenance for my parched soul. In the most basic and complex of concepts.....she....completes....me...., in every sense of this simple phrase. I only know how to be "me" in the frame of reference of her being a part of my life. I would tell her this and thank her for loving the unlovable....for seeing the man hiding within the beast. My final words to her would be to say, "I utterly adore you!"
The great thing about writing this contemplative piece is the glorious realization that I have said these things to these exact people a multitude of times. The trauma of my life has solidified the bleak reality that we are none promised a single moment in time and that nothing should be left unsaid. It is the gift given for paying the price to walk where I have walked and it is priceless. My family knows exactly the precise contents of my heart and they always will. For it is imperative to me that they "know" me and intimately know how precious they are to me. Don't ever let a magical moment pass into memory. Seize the moments you've been give and be "free and fast" with your adoration. Embrace those who you feel are beyond salvation and in doing so, you will know the peace of a life well lived. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and let someone know right now how you feel....they desperately need to hear it.....and you desperately need to say it. Remember that I love you all and each of you are on the very precipice of greatness, you only need to reach out and embrace it!
All That Is Gold Does Not Glitter,
Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost
-Tolkien
