It's been a while. I was an island for the time being as I felt like I needed space and time for myself. This included taking time off from my friends, Tyrique, Georgina and Sabrina, in general.
It wasn't easy to shrug off the urge to call them or the urge to just take a stroll to their apartments, but, I felt that I just needed some time off from everything. I needed to reconnect with myself and spend some time figuring out more things about myself which I often ignore when I'm in the presence of others.
It's been a rollercoaster of emotions, this past six months. Ranging from heartaches to broken bonds, I could say it was a drama-packed experience. Those series of events, though, seemed to climax the already prepared thoughts I had of ghosting into thin air.
I told them not to call except in life or death situations, and not to disclose my location to anyone.
It was just me, myself and I, trying to find my feet in a turbulent period. I once thought that I was myself when I was alone, but figured out that I was always shackled in bonds and thrown in an abyss under my friends' shadows. I barely stood out as they always had everything I could possibly put on display.
Tyrique was a therapist, garnering some recognition from people who dared to be his patiens and my word, was he a patient dog. He would always strive to be calm even when telling me about some experiences that almost drove him off the cliff. I, myself, would be furious at how calm he was in those situations only to later calm down and realise he was just doing his job, and people loved that about him.
Georgina, oof, her names brings the word "Gorgeous" to mind. She was a star girl. A model that captivated the attention of her audience with just a stroll down the street aisle. I always felt uncomfortable with the stares and felt being around her was like putting myself on the hit list of potential suitors that are already grovelling around her. Some gave me the condescending look as if to imply that I was her boyfriend and she was wayyy to good for me. I shrugged off that feeling as she regularly reminds me that we're just friends and I shouldn't let rumours make us lose our bond. I acquiesced, even though I knew I was indirectly getting friend-zoned.
Now, let's talk about Sabrina.
She was a very timid person, shy and bold at the same time, depending on the occasion. Partly a feminist, on some occasions as that brought out her bold displays and shy when faced with new introductions. I liked the balance it brought to her life as she was always a goal getter and yet, quietly lives her life.
During the third month, before I ghosted out, we were out hanging, all three of us, and we went to a restaurant, one of our favorites just around the block we lived in. We were just eating, until Georgina broke the silence as seen in the dialogue below;
Georgina: Guys!! Guess who just invited me to the sickest party of the year?
I: No one in our league, definitely.
Georgina: Cut it out.
Tyrique: It should be one of your thousands of celebrity fans, for you to be this excited.
Georgina: You have no idea!
(She said giggling).
End of dialogue.
Sabrina just watched the whole time, as if to say she wanted to join in the conversation, but restrained herself. It wasn't strange though, she did that often.
But, something Georgina said intrigued me. "Sickest party of the year?", only one came to mind, as expected.
The annual gala ceremony which only VIPs got invited too. Now, Georgina was definitely out off my league.
The last month before my ghost out, I remember things being tensed regarding me and Georgina. A romantic interest in her started blooming and that was the last thing I needed considering her social status and the fact I felt I was already 'friend-zoned'. Not to say that was the reason for my ghost out, though.
The gala ceremony was a blast and I was starstrucked by how gorgeous she looked. Haha, that's how the name came about.
Now, it's the present day and I was just about to take a nap. I was already sleepy after being bored and alone at the time as I explained earlier.
I sat down on my bed, thinking about what to do when I wake up, then I heard my phone beep. Beep? That hadn't happened in weeks.
Oh, no!! I had just butt dialled the only person I wasn't ready to talk to - Georgina.
She called back and it was an awfully long conversation. She said she presaged I would call, but didn't expect it to be that soon, already creating a feeling that I missed her. This wasn't my intention, at all.
We paced back on forth and one discussion led to another and we finally arrived at that which bothered us, bothered me - our relationship.
I needed clarity on the kind of relationship we had due to all the confusion that ensued in the beginning parts of the phone call. She said that it was complicated, her feelings, and I can't lie, it brought some relief to me that she might actually have feelings for me.
I ended the call with thoughts about what could be between us and couldn't wait till I saw her again.
All I had to do was wait. I didn't want to end my alone period so abruptly just because of some somewhat new developments regarding us.
I still had to find myself again and I wasn't letting an accidental call ruin my plans.
She was everywhere in my head and I tried to fight her off but she still lurked in the corners of my head.
Now, in the last month of my ghost out, I can't wait to reconnect with my people, hoping for turned tables with Georgina and a new me, a rejuvenated version after finding myself again!
Thanks for reading.
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