From Death to Deathlessness #12 Q1
Bhagwan, your contradictions, your lies, and your insistence that we are not to believe you, have made my mind inoperable. All it can say with certainty is, "I don't know." I used to be quite proud of my mind, but now it simply feels stupid. So far, it's not no-mind, but perhaps someday soon, its dying gasp may be, "I don't know." Meanwhile, my heart feels better and better. When you contradict yourself it simply has a good laugh and feels grateful. What's happening?
"My contradictions are meant to do exactly what is happening to you. I don't want your mind to be convinced by me. I want to relate with your heart, because that is the only true communion. Mind to mind is always superficial.
I can be consistent, but then I will be convincing your mind -- and that is the last thing I want to do.
I am not a missionary, and I have no message for you. I have only experience, and the way to convey the experience to you is not through words, theories, philosophies. The argument is not the answer.
So first I have to dismantle your mind, and the best way to dismantle your mind is to contradict myself as much as I can. Either you will escape, feeling that you may go crazy, or if you have guts, you will remain here and really go crazy!
When the mind becomes inoperable, that is the moment when the heart starts functioning.
You are in a good space. If the mind is saying, "I don't know," the mind is closing up shop. And here, when the mind closes the shop, immediately the doors of your heart start opening. They are two sides of the same coin. That's why when you hear me contradicting myself, you have a good laugh. That is the right response to my contradictions.
Yes, it is still not a state of no-mind. It is still mind that is saying, "I do not know." When the mind is completely gone, in a state of no-mind, there is nobody to say "I do not know." That is the last knowledge. It is knowledge, "I do not know" -- at least this much you know. This is the last barrier. It also drops; then there is no question of knowing or not knowing. For the first time you feel, and feeling is the way of experiencing.
When you are in your head you are millions of miles away from me.
When you are in your heart you are in my heart too, because hearts don't know separation.
And my whole work is that it beats in the same rhythm in all of you.
Then you become an orchestra. There is still much more than the heart in you, but without heart you cannot reach your innermost treasure, the being.
So these are the three words: thinking, feeling, being. From thinking, nobody has ever been able to reach being. Nobody can bypass feeling; feeling is the bridge. The first step is from thinking to feeling, and the second step is from feeling to being. And in two steps the whole journey is complete.
So remember, feeling will be tremendously beautiful, but don't stop there. That is only a stopover. You can rest there a little bit, enjoy the world of the heart, but remember there is one step more.
Through contradictions I destroy your clinging to the mind and thinking. Through silence I destroy the world of your feeling. And when both these layers are gone, you are as existence wanted you to be, in your purity, in your individuality. You have come home.
So don't be worried, the journey has begun. Don't stop until you come back home, where there is no thinking, no feeling, but only a sense of existence. In that experience, I will be able to convey to you that which is unconveyable in any other way. Then I am not the master and you are not the disciple.
In the mind, I am the teacher, you are the student.
In feeling, I am the master, you are the disciple.
In being, I am not, you are not -- existence is."
