It’s safe to say sleep has completely eluded me. Although, I still get to sleep during the day sometimes. My eyes literally stay open all night long, whether or not I sleep during the day, which leads to terrible headaches the next day.
I am a person with a lot on my mind. I think about what I'm going to do tomorrow, what I need to do for the day, and what my goals are for the week, the month, or the year. I am an overthinker. I often feel like I am not in control of my own thoughts and that is when my mind starts racing and I can't sleep.
I would like to take sleeping pills to help me sleep, but my folks are somehow against it because of how addictive it could be. I can’t blame them at this point because the one time I indulged in sleeping pills, I was totally hooked.
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Somehow, the people who know about my sleep struggles have unanimously advised that I try some easy relaxation techniques like listening to music or reading. Tried them, it doesn’t work as much as I expect it to.
Some people just say they feel sleepy, go straight to a bed or couch, only to fall asleep within seconds? Is it just me, or do they have superpowers? I have seen the same thing happen over and over again, even my sister was like that. We’d be having a conversation only for me to hear her light snores the next minute. It’s like magic.
I lay in bed tossing and turning, begging sleep to at least find me. It almost never happens, especially at night. Now that I look back, I’m beginning to feel like I got it from my dad.
I grew up to find my dad listening to blues in the living room almost every morning. A lot of times, he’d say he could barely get any sleep. We all got used to him sleeping in the morning from 4 am, 5 am, 6 am like that.
Now, it’s my turn. Trust me, writing about it now simply explains how bad it is. Why can’t I sleep as every normal person does? I used to be proud of my ability to stay awake all night to study back in school and all that. But now, the constant headaches I have to deal with the following day or days are not putting me in a good place.
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Most people say that they can't sleep if they are anxious or stressed. For me, happy, sad, lonely, stressed, angry, anxious, calm, changes nothing. It’s like my body has a mind of its own now. How did I get here?
I get to sleep during the day sometimes, but no matter how long I sleep during the day, I never derive the same level of satisfaction sleeping at night gives me. My days are less productive, slow, and just tiring.
A friend recently suggested that I get checked for Insomnia. Maybe I would. On second thought, maybe I wouldn’t. I have tried over and over again to have a normal sleep life, but nothing has worked.
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Is there anyone else dealing with this? Have you ever dealt with this? How did you get over it? Please tell me, what are your tricks?