I thought of nothing more than the image of him. Sprawled on my unmade bed,I lay thinking of him. How gracious he was. How blindingly gorgeous. How devasting and daring, with eyes that shone of cobalt blue. He haunted my dreams and clouded my every thought. Like an empty room,waiting to be smoked. Like a tint of black in the colour white.
Why wouldn't he call back? Why wouldn't he reply to the 24 texts I left him? Why wouldn't he send the random messages he usually did that had his voice in them? Did he consider me a bore? Did I do something wrong? Unsure of whether I had slipped up and said something unlikely that would've caused a stir in our relationship,I had spent hours rereading our previous conversations and came up with nothing out of ordinary or hand. Did he not like the way I looked anymore? Did he finally notice the faint scar I had on my temple? Did my huge calves weird him out and scare him away? Did he think I looked too agile and male,with the broad shoulders I possessed and decided to stay away?
Please say something. Please reply me. I want to hear from you. I want a text from you,even if it's just a single word. I want to hear you. I sound pathetic. I feel pathetic and I hate myself for feeling this way and still deciding to beg for your attention. My heart skips a beat whenever I get any notification on my phone,hoping you're the one that pops up. I'm dissapointed everytime. Do you not love me anymore? I dislike this. I dislike feeling this way. I dislike being far away from you. I dislike loving you. I dislike you!
Why are you doing this? Why do you make me feel this way? Why do my breathing constrict at the slightest thought of you? Why do I feel my eyes water at the thought of losing you? Why don't you want to reach out to me!?
Tell me what's wrong, I'll help you however I can. Is it a job? Is it money? Is it comfort? I'll give you everything and anything! I want to see you happy, but I want you happy with me. Is that too much to ask? Is that so selfish of me? Do you think of me as a 'bitch'? Would you let me burn at the slightest chance?
You are my home. You are my peace. I consider you everything good and glorious. Heaven doesn't exist to me without you. I wish to be with you. Please let me be with you. Please take me with you. Let's be together forever.
Thanks for reading
