Let me call you, let me reach out to you, let me hold your hand. Let me come with you. Why don't you want me to? Why don't you want me to come with? Is there something wrong with me? Do I smell weird? Look weird? Act weird? Are you worried I would embarrass you wherever you go? Are you ashamed of me!?
The migraines are killing me, I'm worried sick. I'm trying my absolute best to be there for you, but you keep on pushing me away. You make it seem like I'm disturbing you . Like I'm some bug you can't wait to dispose of. I'm tired of moving without any fixed direction. I'm tired of not knowing where I'm going to, Mother. I'm tired of being here, so why don't you let me come with you?
Why do you keep chanting and rambling on how dangerous the journey and place you're going to will be but still go anyway? Am I not worth to be taken care of? Is that why you could never bear to look at my face. Do I remind you of him so much Mother?
You know, I saw them. I saw the letters, I saw your tiny jotter...where you wrote everything. Why didn't you care to admit that I was a bastard? That I'm the reason everyone looked at us with spite here? You didn't bother to mention his name though, scared of him too much you couldn't write who he was?
I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to be born into this world. I hate it here. Why did you let me exist? Why mother, tell me why?
I get it now. I finally understand why you'd make me tuck in my tail and ask that I'd always wear a hood. I remember asking you why you didn't have pointed ears like I did. I remember that night beside the fire when I asked you with tears in my eyes why you didn't have a long and thin part of yourself like I did. I asked you why you didn't have a tail too and you stared at the fire instead of me and said I was an extension. An extension of what mother? I questioned you but you shrugged me off and went to bed abruptly, like I'd struck you in the face.
You brought me into this world to be miserable. You ruined me before I even knew how to say my name. I was already torn apart by the wolves before I was thrown to them. Do you see how my lips quiver when I try to speak? Did you love me at all mother? Did you even think!?
I am Marcel. Marcel the Unknown. Marcel the Bastard. Marcel the creature. Marcel the devil. That's what they call me mother. That's what they tell me. That I'm a monster. A monster that tore apart families and managed to crawl onto the earth. Maybe, they're not wrong. Maybe I am a monster. And a monster, I will be.
*This is a piece inspired by the anime, Attack on Titan. I feel a large percentage of the fanbase of Attack on Titan fail to realize that Eren was also a victim here. Asides being the master mind of rumbling and near end of the world. We forget that Eren had the power to see the future. That kind of burden, I can’t imagine what it must have felt like to see so much blood shed and not be able to do anything about it.But that’s besides the point. This write up wasn’t written as a mimicry of the original show, it was just what came into my head to write as I was listening to the soundtrack of Attack of Titan. I hope you enjoy it like I did whilst writing it and listening.
Thanks for reading.
