Why are the letters so big?
Why do they appear and disappear whenever I try to write? Why do they imitate the voices in my head, the way it bends and comes back at me in spears? Like the way that silly bird tries to reach for an earthworm but ends up eating dirt. Just the way life always is. Unnecessarily frustrating.
I can see it at the back of my head, deep within. It’s so hard to reach for it, yet so obvious to ignore. It’s itchy, disturbing and weird. Get it out of my head please. Yank it out whichever way you want to. Let me be free, away from the voices in my head. The one that’s always there, dull and quiet. Criticizing my every move, questioning my every action and worst of all, reminding me of my every mistake.
Make it stop please. Make the multiple voices stop speaking. I don’t care if you have to yank my eardrums out or stab them with a knife till blood starts to splurge from my ears. Silence them, for they have brought me nothing but discomfort and sleepless nights. They’ve helped trigger my dreams and make the nightmares worse. They’ve intensified my fear and made me feel weak. I’m not weak. I hate feeling like this. I hate the sounds I hear whenever I try to do something. Sounds that seem like I’m being judged. Voices that insinuate the worst possibility and tell me how stupid I am, all the time.
I am being chased, every day through the year, as I search for a better life. Do I not deserve something better, dear universe? Have I been forsaken and deemed evil in my past life? Is that what this is all about? I am being blamed for something I have no idea of? For his crimes, psychotic ways and illicit behaviors? Why do you let me live? Why do you let me breathe this air? I’d rather you take this from me. After all, I am not welcome on earth. Am I? You let me eat scrap and sleep in dirt, you let me be discriminated and beg for the littlest fortune, you let me be an object of mockery and something to hiss at. Look at me, pale and ugly, in need and in want. Do I not deserve to be happy? Please, please just make it stop.
Thanks for reading;)
