Huge societal changes have occurred in the last 15 years since smoking bans spread the globe and society deemed smoking a 'bad' thing. In wellbeing we focus on many positive changes that you can make in your life, but we have to admit one habit that was hard to kick - smoking.
When I was 12 years old I went to Germany on a school exchange. In Germany, they sold cigarettes in vending machines on street corners with no age check. With two friends we decided to buy a packet and I tried smoking for the first time.
I coughed up blood. My lungs were on fire and raw from the smoke inhalation. But I loved the taste and act of smoking. Back home I sought advice - keep smoking and the coughing would stop. So I did this.
By 15 years old, I smoked 20-30 cigarettes Malboro reds and by 18 I was coughing so much I could barely sleep lying down. Some trips to the doctors and x-rays on my chest, they advised me to stop smoking. I took this to mean cut down and change to a 'lighter' brand. Two years of non-stop cycles of chest-infections, tonsillitis, and bronchitis did not stop the smoking habit. I would quit and restart repeatedly.
The cycle of smoking continued throughout adulthood. My rule was no more than 5 per day. I could go 6 months of not smoking and then take it up again to my 5 a day for 5 months. I knew that the cycle related to relationships going wrong and the need for mental space at work.
I never intended to 'give up' smoking as I loved it! I loved the smell, the physical hand holding, the breathing and social element. I made such 'great' friends on cigarette breaks because we could share the dramas of what we were 'hiding from'.
The only time I found smoking annoying was running. It made my lungs raw with pain & I would begin to cough again. I always chose smoking - if the craving was there then I needed the comfort.
This was a complete lack of self-love. Destructive patterns mask, shun and ignore our negative feelings by smoking out or drowning us further into an abyss. I had so much self-hate and smothered my inner child's voice.
Unintentionally, my soul took the reigns. I began to choose feeling good. My focus was to always appreciate what was around me and feel the natural smile inside me. I decided to work with law of attraction and attract what I enjoy.
After a year of the law of attraction practice during my daily meditation practice, I took a journey into my lungs. I saw my heart surrounded by the smoke, the suffocation of air in my lungs and death of the cells. I felt and observed the hatred I energetically carried into my heart when I smoked. I really hated myself when I smoked and this was ingrained in my mind, feelings and body.
After that meditation I could never go back. The choice to love myself was clear. Now when I notice the craving of a cigarette or that restriction around my heart, I am aware that it is a sensation of self-hate.
I breathe love into my heart and take a compassion meditation to lift my vibration. I meet myself with unconditional love and acceptance. The choice is to live in love.
If you have a habit that is only for when you feel stressed, angry, upset or lonely then welcome compassion. You have to let go of the hatred and make space for self-love.
Listen to my compassion yoga nidra to begin your journey to unconditional love for yourself.
Learn more about my meditations and transformation programs that can help you make these huge life shifts with loving support: https://omegamovement.org/om-meditations
