At some point in life, you just realize and come to terms with the truth that you cannot control what others think or say about you. That really is the first step to becoming dead to praise and censure. Something else I would like to talk about, however, is controlling what others know about you. There's so much power in such control when you harness it.
You know what they say about how having too many chefs could ruin the soup? The same could be said about seeking to navigate with the compasses of other people. This person advises you on North, yet another person advises you on South. Maybe another would say East is better. The question now is, Where do you go?
You've shared your plan, idea, or whatnot with this other person, and they feel they can give you some advice. But what you may not realize is that if you control how much this other person knows, it's easier to tune in to your internal compass and navigate without all that external disruption.
Cousel is great. Let's not get it twisted this moment. "In the multitude of counsel, there is safety," but you really have to be cautious and careful on your choice of counsel. You have to know for sure that this person does have the experience and wisdom to guide you right. In all, you want to gauge how much you let out.
Usually I am careful with what I share with people. This one time, however, I spilled a little more than I intended, only to regret it minutes later. The summary of the advice I got was that I couldn't do what I intended to do and I should just find something else doing.
Advice, as I have come to understand, is always a reflection of the giver—that is, it's mixed with their experiences, failures and successes. Guarding my mind and my plans, I left that conversation steadily convinced in myself that what didn't work for them is their story and not mine.
Expectations, too. When people know too much, they tend to extrapolate the rest of you, and then have unjustifiable expectations of one. There's no need to know about my past or future. Stick with the present and let's work there and then if we can. That way, no one gets in anybody's way.
Images in this post belong to me
