This is the most sunshiny selfie I have ever taken in my life. Off-shoulder top in pleasant yellow? Hair in somewhat nice curls? Fancy earrings? No makeup makeup look? And a smiling face? To say that I am liking my life the past days is an understatement, although I still get remorsely sad because of petty things.
Very human.
I believe it's because I am drawing again. I've been saying many times how art is a refuge to me, and it is very truly so. The satisfaction of making and completing something out of pure love is the best feeling to me.
Of course I am painting again, and heck yes I am playing with colors this time. The same month last year, I dedicated my time drawing, copying Bargue plates. I know I should continue with my studies before jumping right into painting, but the past months had been very tough that I can't seem to pick up where I left off.
Fortunately, I started watching art tutorials again, and got interested enough to start painting sunsets myself. If you are interested, I've made a post about it days ago: Sunset Painting Using Galeria Acrylic Paints.
Well, this is already clean for me.
The upper compartment consists of my memory box which I've had since high school, wallets, eye-glasses, empty bottle of Soju, cassette tape player, earrings and watches on small plates, perfumes, and random coffee table books about art, photography, cats, etc.
The middle one's all about my absolute treasures: photobooks and art books I absolutely adore, watercolor pan, Galeria acrylic paint, oil paints and mediums, and my (ugly) unfinished mastercopy of my most favorite painting by Vermeer called "Girl With The Pearl Earring". Well, to be quite nice and fair to myself, I copied it when I don't have a single clue what I was doing, so yes, I guess I can do better now.
The bottom part is just my sketch pads, black canvases, acrylic emulsion which I use to coat my finished acrylic painting, Winsor & Newton drawing fixative, soft pastels, heavy duty stapler, film photographs of my family, glass plate and cup I use in painting, and of course, my cup of coffee.
That's basically it! Do you guys want to see my books in another post? Would love to share it!
You know what? If I blog about my experiences in United Arab Emirates, it'll help people and I love to take part on that, but the reason I couldn't even bring myself to write one single line is because I am not yet totally healed, and I somewhat lack the motivation of doing so because of my deep seated hatred towards the people I shared my life with at that time.
I learned to let go of the ugly feelings because I know I will never gain something from it. Realizing that it was not about the place made things lighter for me because I was totally firm of erasing UAE in my personal map.
But lately, I have been missing Dubai on a different level. I believe it's because of the silent closure I had in my heart ― accepting fate as it is, no pointing of fingers and bitterness, and embracing the whirlwind of emotions that came with it.
Should I pat my back for this? I definitely should.
The original second tattoo idea was a pencil on my right arm, being an artist myself, but then I thought the best time to get that tattoo is this coming September 19th since that was the exact date I started drawing again. It's inspired my Erwan Heussaff's spoon tattoo!
Seriously, who among you here have the same mindset? I uploaded my first YouTube video and got my first tattoo on my birthday, started drawing again in June because it's my birth month, getting my 2nd tattoo on my friend's birthday, 3rd tattoo on my other friend's birthday, family tattoo on Christmas, and so on. #QuirksOfVerySentimentalPeople
Anyway, this second tattoo is a korean word which means Breathe in English. Just like my first tattoo, this is also a song title. Written by a Kpop idol who committed suicide last year, and sang by one of the most beautiful voices of Korean entertainment industry, 한숨 (Breathe) is about the heavy sigh we let out after a tough day.
It's gonna be like a reassurance I give to myself that no matter how I fall short in life, and of how often I sigh out of frustration, anxiety, and depression, I would still accept things the way they're gonna be because I understand myself more than anyone, and that I should be kind to myself.
"No one will blame you. It’s okay to make mistakes sometime. It's alright. You really did a good job."
During my stay in Dubai, I lost the sweetest cat I've ever had. He was run over by a taxi driver in our small neighborhood. When I heard the news, I was amidst working over a client's branding, but although I tried so hard to contain my emotions, I burst out crying; surprising my co-workers including my boss. I just told them it's "family problem," so they let me off the hook immediately.
Seriously, my cats give me immeasurable joy. Seeing them all happy and goofy and healthy give me such contentment.
I'm just gonna go with it and list down the YouTubers I relate to the most in terms of art, style, and well, life aesthetic. They are the ones I mostly visit these days whenever I want to binge-watch videos while painting.
Dearly Bethany ― her style is everything I aspire to achieve. I am actually inspired to get some good quality clothes in malls or in online stores rather than stuffing my wardrobe with ukay-ukay finds.
Robin Sealark ― She is a very talented painter. You will fall in love with her seascapes in acrylic if you get passed her (annoying at first) weirdness. Trust me.
Lil B tattoo ― This tattoo artist does intricate designs of classical stuff. Full sleeve Poseidon? No problem. He is wickedly skilled!
TheSorryGirls ― My go-to channel for anything DIY. I specially love their room make-over episodes.
Basically everything I've been doing the past few days. Hopefully things and feelings steady because I don't want to stop drawing again. The rain and unlimited coffee also helped me in so many ways, and I couldn't be more happy to have been born in a tropical country where it starts raining on my birth month. And of course, to Kopiko brown coffee for always giving me comfort.
What about you? How are you feeling these days?
Let's talk!
Warmest regards,
Lai ✨
