It is 8 am on the last day of our vacation when I am writing this. Tomorrow, we'll be on the road for over ten hours to get home.
I wrote at the beginning of our vacation how I find it somewhat hard to settle into vacation mode, still had some work to finish and, generally, wasn't ready to relax until a few days into the PTO. It always makes me a little grumpy that it is that way with me.
But the first quarter of it I spend getting into vacation mode. And then a few days before the end of vacation thoughts about work creep into my mind, almost unnoticed at first. I wonder if I got an answer from our supplier to problem x is one of those. When I realize that I will often chide myself Stop thinking about work. It'll be there waiting for you when you get back.
Dependent isn't the right word for it. Yes, I, we depend on my work for a multitude of reasons but it feels like it consumes me. And I am not okay with that. Anymore. I have loved my work and workplaces pretty much forever. Now I feel like something needs to give. My heart continues to be in it way more than is good for me at this stage of my life.
And I am having trouble doing that. I don't know how. I am in a management position with staff reporting to me. If I were to take a step back (down) it would have massive monetary consequences IF it were possible at all.
I guess I had hoped that a longer vacation, two weeks is a very long time here in the US, would help me gain perspective. Yet, here I am in my
Usually, I am one to make a decision quite easily but this one really has me stomped. It has for a while now. The big thing is that I am the lone earner and with that comes also medical insurance which is really important in the US where unlike e.g. Germany living off the government through unemployment for years is impossible. Moving back to Germany has crossed our minds but - not really. If anything I'd move somewhere else entirely. I really loved our three months on Bonaire - maybe it is
Three months in the Caribbean would be amazing! Easier said than done. Even if I had the money - I'm in the US! Sabbaticals are pretty much unheard of and I'm very sure my boss and company would have a fit if I brought up that particular topic - LOL - so, nope, for the foreseeable future it's going to be
Meaning, for now, I will do what I need to do and have always done: Plug along doing the best job I can. I take pride in doing a good job so anything less would not be me. But I can't help but wonder and think about finding a different way that may work for us in the not too distant future.
Thank you for reading my musings and if you have any ideas - have them come my way.
Till next time!
Have a great rest of your day!
Cheers,
(Ocean)Bee
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99.9% of photos taken with my Fuji X-T5 and iPhone
