The first night we slept at our home. After the honeymoon. 2am. I sat up on the bed, the cold air hugging my skin, I looked at you lying there beside me, my eyes widened with reality. This is my new reality. I'm married.
Normally, that should have made me glad. I had spent the past months fantasizing about the moment I get to be home with you. But sitting there in real time, many thoughts hit me. I walked out to the sitting room and back. Like waves on a troubled sea, reality struck again. This has happened. I am married.
The tears started pouring. My sobs woke you up. You wanted to know why. You asked what was wrong, if I was unhappy. I shared as I could because I couldn't really tell. I missed my Dad, my Mum. I missed the feeling of safety knowing they were in the other room. It's how I've always been - a Daddy's girl. I hated myself for it. Felt like a weakling, an overgrown baby, too dependent to be the independent strong woman my society praises. Growing up, I felt inferior for so many reasons and this was one of them. And in that moment as feelings came again.
You held me close. Whispered words of comfort. Assurance. And as you spoke, my heart warmed with memories of how protective, Fatherly and motherly you've been to me. There was no need to be scared. Abba chose you for me. Abba knew I needed a man like you. One who would not trample on my dependence.
I remember the first Sunday in Church as a couple, you gave me a jotter and a pen. "Sunshine" you said, "This is your church's note. Use it just for church only, if you need more for other things, just let me know". It's how you are with me. A tender leader, a compassionate guide, my best friend.
I thank God for a number of things each day and you're 90% my thanksgiving. Even in conflict, it's your love for me that breaks the ice and quenches the fire. Your wisdom, your deep understanding and humility. You're uniquely made. Beautiful to be with. A blessing through and through.
God.
Business.
Technology and Innovation.
Those three things define your focus and drive. Your passion and goals. I love that God is CEO over your life. I love how you love the Father. How you let Him love me through you. How you love me through His leading.
Image taken from an iPhone 12pro
I REMAIN @OBRISGOLD1
