When i saw both topics for this week, I had to seat back and roll a dice to select the topic i will write on first. Both topics are really interesting and oh, i have lots of things to say on both. Welp, for now, I will start with the first - My motivational factor.
Its quite interesting how shitty life can be most times. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we will always end up without any results. At this point, some people will start going back to their villages to check if their lack of success is caused by a spiritual thing, or if their uncles is stagnating them in life.
In this life I lead, there are many cases when I do feel like giving up. I remember in the year 2021, I was seated in my lodge at Umuahia. Things were not really going well, but then, i was still thriving and crying but i never gave up. Though quite frustrating and exhausting, I never gave up. On one faithful day, things began to feel very overwhelming.
By 11pm or 12am that night, it was as if hell was let loose cause' something happened and I began to think about everything that has been happening over the past few weeks. I didn't know where to go or who to run to. My thoughts got the better of me and depression began to gradually engulf me, and all I could do was to count the ceilings cause' I was at the verge of giving up.
Would things be easier if I just hang a rope and place my neck in-between the knot? Why was I even born if things can never be good for once in my life? Is this how it feels like to not live with parents? Should I abandon everything and run back to the arms of my parents? I asked myself many things that night as tears began to form in my eyes.
Being introverted, I had no friends to talk to, and i could not open up to my parents. I needed to solve my problems by myself. That night, I began to murmur to myself. From there, the murmur became loud thoughts and I began to pace around my room while i talk to myself like a mad man that is about to run mad for the second time. I subconsciously developed another personality that night. It was as if i could see the other personality in my mirror, so, i began to pour out my heart. I talked and talked and talked until it was early morning, probably by 3 or 4am. As i talked, my heart raced and my brain activity increased.
After my ranting, my racing heart began to reduce its velocity, and i could now think very clearly. It was as if one part of me did the ranting, and the other part (the developed personality) began to reassure me. I began to talk to my self, pointing out the little achievements i have made and the little progress that i was not able to see.
Things became clearer, and i was reassured. Currently, anytime I feel like giving up because things are not going as planned, I tend to reassure myself that i'm in life. Moreover, i still have life and i have complete limbs as well as organs, so, i can always start a new and still get to my destination.
Thank you for reading
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