You know, my wife has blessed us with 5 amazing children. Dani, Marek, Xander, Lorelei and Vince. Great kids they are. Our relationship is like most parents who both work, we BOTH get a good share of diaper duty and I’ll admit it, Jen does a much better job than I do in this department. I might not be a professional but I’m far from an amateur. Well, today after feeding Vince I get ready to pick him up from his highchair and glance down, Category 5 blowout. Out the left leg all over the seat and partially onto the floor. I panic, frantically looking around for a paper towel or something to subdue the impending catastrophe of getting him out of the chair and into my room to change him. After finally making it there, I now have crap down BOTH legs as Vince deemed it necessary to kick and flick this crap all over the place. Be still my beating heart. I panic more, there’s crap EVERYWHERE! I yell at my eldest, Dani, to start a bath. “make sure to get all the toys out of the bathtub” I yell. The water is drawn, I skillfully and quickly arrive to the tub and without thinking set him down in the water, Diaper, Onesie and all…… I said I panicked ok?? I struggle to get him out of the Onesie and the diaper all the while keeping his hands from dipping down into the sewer water slowly rising around him. I now have a diaper full of crap, off my son, a Onesie floating in the crap filled water, and my son, from the waste down full of crap. I panic again, the anxiety building within me, I pull him up out of the water, skillfully holding him with one hand begin to rinse his lower half with the running water and scrubbing him with baby soap with the other. I don’t know how I did it, but no crap ended up in his hands or above his waste band. I calm down now a little bit as I wrap him in a towel and whisk him off to our bed to put a clean diaper and pajamas on…. As soon as I get the last button, buttoned and set him down off the floor and exhale a VERY exhaustive breath my eldest daughter comes ripping into the house from the front door. “Dad, Lorelei is on the trampoline jumping and there is poop ALL up her back and smeared on the canvas!”. I wheep a little and a small groan escapes my lips. :`-(
