Right from when I was a little boy, I have been reminded to never show weakness or emotions. I heard stuffs like "man up, don't cry, you are a strong man, big boy!" and funny enough after repeating this behavioral patterns, it has become so natural to man up everytime.
I don't know if it was because I was the first son out of my siblings but at a young age I became that protective elder brother that is supposed to be strong and emotionally available at all time. I felt like if I become emotionally vulnerable it would go on to affect my sibling's confidence because they are looking up to me for protection.
Infact, while growing up I never knew adults also cried. I thought crying were only for babies and that when you get to 18 years you would no longer be able to cry even when you are hurt. The first time I saw a grown up man cry it felt like I was in another world. I still remember how surprised I was, as it took a while to recover from the shock at that time because that was something we do not see everyday.
But the truth of the matter is that Men are humans too and sometimes they feel hurt as much as women do. Infact, statistics has it that the amount of men that commits suicide is four times higher than that of women in a single year.
This goes on to show that men struggle with traumas and emotionally hurt that they tend not to talk about because society has made men feel like crying out is weakness. This days society seem to be more soft with men, as we are now encouraged to always speak up, complain and even cry out when the need arise, but is that how we were designed to operate?
My honest opinion to every man is that he should be situationally intelligent, because while there are spaces that genuinely welcome male vulnerability, others still punish it. For instance, it would be understandable to cry in funerals, loss of a love one, extreme injury or even during a very happy moment.
But it becomes a problem to cry in situations where you are required to stand out or be that protective man that everyone looks up to. It could be in a public setting or it could even be in your relationship where your partner expects you to be the stable one, but you prove otherwise.
A friend of mine told me of how his girlfriend encouraged him to be more open and vulnerable with her. But when he finally cried and opened up about his depression, she quietly withdrew attraction and started calling her ex who she felt was a stronger man, this is the reality men go through.
The truth would always remain the truth that men are natural protectors, providers and leaders. And so it is in our nature to be as tough as possible to be able to earn the trust and confidence of those that looks up to us. The goal isn't to become unfeeling, but to remain functional under load, which is why it is not easy to be a man.
