I am fortunate to be loved by a fierce woman, who is as passionate about her opinions as her love for me. Sometimes it can get tricky, even for the most trivial things and we find ourselves in a heated argument.
I deem conflict to be a necessary evil. Although I am a very agreeable person, I do not shy away from saying how and what I feel (when I deem it necessary). That can be hard to communicate, especially to someone with a different opinion (whom you love).
Many people avoid conflict, mostly because it can be emotionally draining. Also, telling your partner the truth (the way you see it) can seem harsh and we don’t want to hurt the people we love (intentionally). So we choose silence.
However, conflict can be cathartic as well, as both individuals tend to share their truest opinions and beliefs during a heated argument. Sometimes the only way to move forward is to iron out your differences no matter how difficult it may seem or cost.
Sometimes the truth hurts and there is no better way to say it than the way you know. I have had to hold my tongue a few times but over time I don't think it is necessary. I don’t feel I should hold anything back from the person I love ( even if I have to pay a hefty price). They deserve nothing less.
When we shy away from the truth, we create more problems. I don't want to create a hostile atmosphere in my relationship. I feel my partner should be able to articulate her thoughts and emotions and not feel threatened. It is not the easiest feat, but I try to achieve this by listening.
Managing conflict entails developing good listening skills. We take things like this for granted but they play a huge role in sustaining our relationships. Listening is a skill that should be developed through practice and study.
A LOVE THAT CONTENDS
Jordan Peterson has a theory about loving someone who contends with you. He thinks that being with someone who accepts all your flaws can be problematic, and it can be an outlet for the other person to hide their own insecurities.
In his words, “you want someone who wants you to be better,” and that entails changing or making changes to the person you are currently.
Discord amongst lovers can be capricious given its intimacy. No one knows you more than the person you live and sleep with. You're vulnerable with them. They know all of your flaws, even the ones you tend to ignore and it can be a great source of irritation when that person highlights it at every given time.
However, your relationship can be a unique opportunity for change, which will not only enhance your relationship but also make you a better person. I have learnt a lot about my partner through conflict.
In conclusion, rather than seeing conflict as a negative thing, think of it as an opportunity for positive change. Our attitude towards conflict will determine its impact on us and our relationships.