Yesterday while working I remembered that I had forgotten my late sister's death anniversary. She died...well, that's the thing, I have forgotten the date and time, but the memory lingers. It is probably the most traumatic experience of my life and I am going to relive it again, just to punish myself for forgetting.
She died on the 13th of October 2016
There are little or no traces of my little sister's life. No pictures to remember her by because we lost most of our family history in another traumatic event. I do contemplate my sanity sometimes because, given the things I have been through in life, I shouldn't be anywhere close to sanity (tougher than I think, I suppose).
My little sister Chidimma (meaning 'God is good') didn't have that many good memories. She came into the world disabled, unable to walk, talk or function as the average child and she left the world that did not give her much in the most painful way.
I saw her slowly die; I saw her take her last breathe; I was the last person to see her face (of which I cannot remember much). In the weeks to her passing, I was the only one who could bear looking at her. She was in a deplorable state, even my mum could stand the sight. I was the only one who came close to seeing the horrors she went through and those horrors live rent-free in my mind. On days such as this, they choose to come out to play.
There wasn't anything fair about the way life treated her; nothing fair about her life or death; nothing fair about the world. This is the only way I can live with myself and the world. If the world could treat a sweet innocent girl with such cruelty then of what importance is my life or anything?
My sister's life wasn't filled with a lot of sadness. If there was anything she could do well, it was laughing and calling the names of the only people she knew. She was a strong girl. Even though life did not give her that many options she managed to crack a smile as much as she could.
She was the apple of my father's eyes. I wish they both find themselves in the afterlife (if one exists) and some happiness. They both deserve it.
Chidimma was my little sister who I should have taken care of but I guess I did a lousy job because she is no longer her--maybe for the better, but that doesn't make it any less painful.
Hello sis,
How are you doing? I know this is coming at a very wrong time. The truth is I have been forgetting a lot lately. There is no excuse for breaking my promise to remember you and I hope you accept my apology.
I miss you and dad of course. I don't know how real the other side is but if it does exist I hope you both are happy and together. That will be my only consolation.
If it is worth anything, we are all moving on fine with you guys. I am still trying to keep everything together (although some days I just want to run and never return).
Life has been relatively good to us for some time now. It is quite unusual I must say but I am beginning to enjoy it a little bit.
Our sisters are growing into fine ladies. I wish you were here to see it all. Enoch and I are grinding this crypto thing, we thank God for the opportunity. God knows what would have become of our family if I didn't discover it when I did.
Mum is fine. We both miss you. The last time we spoke about you we shed a tear or two (I mostly I must admit. Doing my best to keep her safe and happy.
There is so much I would love to share but I have reached my threshold. Till we meet again my love. Take care.
Chidima Paul Ekpemandu
1998-2016
