To Start

^{From the beginning.}
or

How to avoid doing a good job.

Step by step.

Tip #1

The Headline.
Maybe some people speed read? Are you here because you read, how article on trending so hard, instead?
^{example: This post won't trend because the headline sucks.}

Tip #2

Make things extremely confusing for the reader.
Some people are simply stunned by default. It's best to be clear about these things.
^{example: You still have no idea how you got here, what you got here, when you got here, why you got here, who you got here and where he came from.}

Tip #3

Stall as much as possible.
Only the strong survive.
^{example: You are strong like the warrior.}

Tip #4

Use subliminal messages.
Some things are better left unsaid.
^{example: That sounds like a pipe tipping. Tip. Tip. Tip. Tip.}

Tip #5

Then start talking about something else.
I took a fork button.
^{example: What the fuck is a fork button?}

Tip #6

Eventually explain something.
He started to look like a blue Uncle Ben.
^{example: Nobody is afraid of a rice salesman.}

Tip #7

Become angry for no reason.
Who's going to give a shit about a big blue rice salesman? Nobody!
^{example: I started to see red.}

Tip #8

It's easier if I just draw you a picture.
Self-explanatory.
^{Example: You can look down now.}

Tip #9

That's what happens when you ring the bell too many times mister rice salesman.
Some people never learn.
^{Example: There are plenty of other examples in the basement.}

Tip #10

Rubber ducks make everything better.

linebreak1

TL;DR
^{During a battle with a strange new hallucinogen, a fight ensued. The Writer/Artist Himself gave up all hope of trending today when all he could think of writing was a shitty top ten list while observing strange bugs on his arm that wouldn't die. Then there was a knock at the door. The knock turned into thirty minutes of stuck door bell syndrome and a man yelling from the outside at the top of his lungs about how the bell won't stop ringing. That instance of disturbance quickly escalated into one bloody mess of a blue man ending up in the tub with the rest of the bell ringers who have not completely dissolved yet.}