I've wanted for most of my life to be a content creator. I had plans while I was living the work-a-day life to start this blog or that YouTube channel. A million ideas flowed through me that I never capitalized on.
I spent my days at work thinking of all the things I could do when I got off, and then in my free time, I watched Netflix and YouTube and played video games. I shopped. I drank. I delved into hobbies I couldn't afford while working at a gas station or a meat-packing plant.
Then one day I bought a course about copywriting and began my journey into the world of working for myself. This was early in the days of Covid, and while I didn't have to stay at home, and I didn't lose my job, when I thought I had the virus, I used it as an excuse to quit my job and devote myself to learning this new, super lucrative skill. I'm not proud of this move, but I am thankful I made it.
Things didn't go as I'd hoped. I very quickly learned that being your own boss is very difficult, and despite the pressure and shame I felt living with my family at the age of 26, I fell into a state of half-work. I was content to learn (part-time), and instead of actually writing copy and pitching clients (taking the steps that would lead to success), I would waste the rest of my time with video games and friends.
Eventually (very recently), it became clear that copywriting wasn't for me. It was never something I actually wanted to do, I just wanted the result of having done it. I beat myself up for a long time because I wasn't doing what I knew I should be doing.
'Shameful, arrogant asshole...why haven't you gone and gotten a real job?'
But while I still often feel these things are true, and expect others to think the same, I refuse to confirm this belief anymore. I'm no longer willing to pass such judgement on myself. It's not just not helpful, it sends me backwards instead of forwards in life. I'm unwilling now to tell myself stories that make things worse.
Which leads me to why I'm here.
Most everything in my life seems finally to be coming together. I attribute this to the mindset shift I'm undergoing, and I thank God for the small amount that I can now see, and for all the events that have led me here. I have to talk about it now. To teach others to open their eyes, even if my vision is still blurry.
It's also remarkable what a difference this community has made to my mindset, though I've only been here about three weeks or so. I think it's good for me to spend time in a place where everything doesn't seem so polished all the time. I've wanted for a very long time to start making content, but it always seemed like too much work, or like I just wasn't good enough, or I believed it would take too long to earn a living from it, but seeing all of you out here being yourselves and writing without letting fear stop you is truly inspiring. I hope that I can serve you all well.
I've decided that I can't allow how long it seems something might take to dictate my action or inaction. Better to pursue something I love than to trudge through work I despise, no matter how long it might take, or how potentially lucrative the alternative.
So this brings us to the last piece of this cobbled-together intro...
My primary reason for getting started here is to share what I'm learning about myself and about life, the mind, productivity, and every helpful thing I come across. My hope is that something I share will resonate with you and help you overcome the things in your life that keep you from joy and success. So my main topics will be personal development and my Christian faith.
I also want to write about my hobbies and interests, including fountain pens, video games, fiction and fiction writing, and HiFi, but these will come as they may (though you can expect some fountain pen content very soon).
If you made it to the end, thank you so much for reading. I'd love to get to know you, so if you like, please leave a comment.
Have a great, day, Hiver.
