A few weeks ago I was in a really bad place and as human as I am, I needed to speak to someone and guess what? There was literally no one. This made me feel bad- I thought I had people in my corner but it turns out I didn’t really have anyone in my corner or everyone was just too busy to have time for me.
You know that feeling where you’re that one friend who’s always there for others but when the tables turn, everyone takes it as a joke when you tell them you’re depressed or sad because they seem to see you as a strong person forgetting we can’t always be strong. Eventually, I reached out to an old time friend and we had a small chat. During this chat, I was told to be selfish and always put myself first because obviously, everyone else is putting themselves first.
To me, I know that I always put myself first but then I thought to myself, maybe I’m not putting myself first enough. And so you know what I did? I stopped being the first to call, the first to initiate anything, I made sure to be in my own lane and not go out of my way to help others. What made me take a step back and analyze things was when I friend of mine had issues with something she was working on. She reached out to me countless times with questions and all of that which i did help with. Later on, I knew I had to help her so I asked for the details of everything and planned on working on it for her over the weekend. Tell me why weekend came and I decided to put myself first by not doing what I promised.
I met her during the week and she was frustrated. She cried just because she felt so worried. I felt like I had failed her and in that moment, I knew I wasn’t putting myself first. I was holding myself back. I’ve never been someone to hold myself back when I know I can help someone. That day, I sat her down and we worked through everything. After, I felt fulfilled and happy deep within me.
I’ve heard people saying put yourself first and all of that, but truly putting yourself first doesn’t mean you have to hold yourself back from being there for people. Personally, I understand that not everyone is willing to give and do as much as I would for someone I love and that’s very okay. We are all different and if we were the same, the world would probably not be a better place.
all images belong to me.
