Day 8 sober;
Felt really good today, quite a bit of motivation and hope towards the future. Had a feeling of bliss and calmness as well as a connection to nature I haven't come close to in a long time(ever?). Although as I sit at 11:11pm wide awake and lonely reflecting on the past 4 years that have gone by in a blur of nothingness and ill made decisions I can't help but feel that I deserve it.
The conflict of wanting to struggle through and fight for a better and more fulfilling life involving real relationships vs giving in to short term urges of loneliness and the weird comfort that drugs can offer.
The worst part is knowing that there are people out there that are even more lonely and fighting even worse addictions then I'm facing currently; to those I give strength to carry on because just as much as I feel I deserve to feel this way, the same can be said for the opposite. Everyone deserves 2nd chances, heck infinite chances. We all deserve to content and happy, no?
As I sit and reflect, I ponder on the fact that surely there has to be more; on this floating rock we call earth in a vast universe we know fuck all of. Is there a purpose? or do we just exist for the sake of existing? After all the universe is under no obligation to make sense to us.
