I still remember how everything began with Ofonime. It didn’t feel forced or dramatic, just one of those natural connections that slowly grows into something deeper before you even realise what’s happening. We started as friends in a private school, where we were teachers, talking about random things, laughing over silly jokes, and somehow, it turned into something more serious.
Before I knew it, we were in a relationship. I recall one holiday when she invited me to her house and made a local delicacy for me. Mkpafere as well called in my dialect.
Three years is a long time to be with someone. Long enough to build routines, inside jokes, shared memories, long enough to believe you truly know a person. I knew how she liked her food, the kind of movies she enjoyed, and the way she would go quiet when something bothered her. At least, I thought I knew her.
But if I’m being honest, the signs were always there.
Not loud signs. Not the kind that hits you in the face. Just small things that didn’t sit right with me. There were times I would call, and she wouldn’t pick up. Later, she’d give an explanation that sounded okay, but something about it felt off. Sometimes she’d go hours without replying, and when she finally did, it felt like I was talking to a different person.
I didn’t have proof of anything, though. That’s the hardest part, when your heart is uncomfortable, but your hands are empty. No evidence, just a feeling you can’t shake.
I kept telling myself I was overthinking. I didn’t want to be that guy, the insecure one who accuses his girlfriend without reason. So I kept quiet. I chose to trust her, even when my instincts were trying to tell me something else.
Then came our second year.
We sat down one evening and talked about making some changes. It was towards the end of the year. We agreed that for the new year, we would both stay away from sex. It wasn’t something one person forced on the other. We both agreed. It felt like a mature decision at the time—like we were trying to build something deeper than just physical attraction. Above all, we wanted to seek the face of God concerning the relationship.
I took it seriously. To me, it meant discipline. It meant respect for each other. It meant we were on the same level.
Looking back now, I realise I was the only one who truly believed in it.
The day everything fell apart didn’t even start badly. In fact, I was in a good mood. I had decided to surprise her. Nothing big, just show up at her place unannounced. I even remember smiling on my way there, imagining how she’d react. Maybe she’d laugh and say, “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
I woke up as early as 4:00 am and decided to pull up the stunt.
But when I got there, something didn’t feel right.
The door wasn’t properly locked.
At first, I paused. I thought maybe she stepped out quickly or forgot to lock it. I knocked, but there was no answer. That strange feeling I had been ignoring for months came rushing back, stronger than ever.
Slowly, I pushed the door open.
And then, I saw it.
I didn’t need anyone to explain anything to me. Right there, in front of me, everything became clear in the worst possible way. All my doubts, all my suspicions, they weren’t just in my head.
They were real.
For a moment, I just stood there. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even think properly. It felt like my body went numb, like I had stepped into a scene that wasn’t mine.
She saw me.
The expression on her face changed instantly, from whatever she was feeling before, to pure shock. The guy she was with quickly tried to pull himself together, but honestly, I barely noticed him. My focus was on her.
In the three years that suddenly felt like a lie.
She started talking immediately, trying to explain, trying to defend herself. But I can’t even remember most of what she said. It all sounded like noise to me. Because what explanation could make that situation okay?
There are some things words can’t fix.
I didn’t shout. I didn’t fight. I didn’t cause a scene. I just stood there for a few seconds, taking it all in. I had mixed feelings of anger and disappointment. I felt like causing trouble, so I pulled out my phone and called Emmanuel, my friend. He advised me to leave immediately, and then I left.
Just like that.
Walking away felt strange. It wasn’t dramatic. It wasn’t emotional in the way people expect. It was too quiet. But inside me, everything was breaking.
What hurt the most wasn’t just what I saw that day. It was everything connected to it. All the times I defended her in my mind. All the moments I ignored my instincts. All the trust I gave without holding anything back.
And then there was our agreement.
That decision we made, to stay away from sex for a year. It meant something to me. I honoured it. I respected it. But clearly, it didn’t mean the same thing to her. That's real hypocrisy.
That realisation hurt more than anything else.
It took me a while to process everything. There were days I kept replaying that moment in my head, wondering if I missed something, if I could have handled things differently. But eventually, I had to face the truth.
That experience changed me. It made me more aware, more careful. Not bitter, just wiser. I learned to listen to my instincts, not ignore them just to keep the peace. I learned that trust should be mutual, not one-sided.
And most importantly, I learned that time doesn’t always equal truth.
However, I made up my mind to forgive her and continue the relationship but she couldn't believe a man could forgive a cheating girlfriend.
Image by me
