How do you know when it's enough?
Enough of old friends who happen to be not really friends anymore but some kind of strangers that you no longer recognize?
I met T. as soon as I moved to Spain in November 2017. We took the same course of Spanish at language school in Alicante. My very first impression was: "Hm, he must be gay" however he wasn't. When we discussed this several months later, T. was freaking out that I could suggest he had been somebody else but straight.
Four years difference between us wasn't too evident in the very beginning. I mean it was, but, as a matter of fact, it didn't bother me much. There were other people around, so I didn't focus all my attention on T., but some significant part of it anyways.
I saw potential in this guy. He was rude, impolite, and sneaky from the very beginning. Meanwhile, caring, openminded, and progressive, so I truly wanted to help. We spent lots of time together talking about everything and nothing, singing, fooling around, sharing dreams for the future. He usually followed my advice, and when not, said: "You were right" in the end.
He entered the university and moved to Madrid in 2018. I stayed in Alicante, studying Spanish, and getting ready for the official language exam. We were on the phone for hours every single night. "I wouldn't know what to do if I hadn't met you back there in Alicante" - T. kept repeating.
A year later, in 2019, I passed my exams and also moved to Madrid. However, my expectations didn't match reality. T. lived in a student residence where you don't have to clean or cook or meet any rules. Surrounded by dummies with parental trust capital and no goals in life, he started turning into one of them. I couldn't even get him out of the zone for a walk in the center or a museum visit. I didn't recognize my good old T. I adored.
In February 2020, we were working together on one project. T. acted as a sponsor and was also supposed to help me out with some minor deeds. That was the beginning - the moment I realized I couldn't rely on this person.
Then the pandemic happened. I really didn't want to be stuck in Madrid for all this time, so I decided to escape the very last day it was possible to move around the country. When I called T., I was literally begging him to go with me. A couple of months later, he was almost crying, thanking me for opening his eyes that day.
So we were locked down together with T. and another friend of ours in a small apartment in Santa Pola. During this time (6 months now), he showed me his true colors that include: cruelty, betrayal, lies, vindictiveness, verbal abuse, taking everything for granted, no desire to change or grow.
I knew it was enough when I didn't want to fight anymore, explain something in hope T. would change one day. I saw no sense in trying, so put myself first, and it was the best decision I'd made.
The most difficult for me in this situation was to open my eyes widely and clearly see what kind of person was messing around me all these years. The moment I viewed T. from another angle, I realized I didn't want him to be a part of my life anymore. I'm grateful for this experience. Though it was full of stress, agony, and denial, in the end, I understood how promiscuous I was with some people. And what's more important, I learned how to determine and eliminate such "friends" from my world.
So what about you? How do you know when it's been enough?
