For most, fear of the blank page is something we can all relate to. The idea that we fear the start of something. The initial step required to get something going. A metaphorical leap from inaction to action. We often tell ourselves that something is too far out of reach for us, that we are not talented, or perhaps are too tired from work to start. Our modern lives are chaotic, turning us into slaves to devices in which our time is turned into an engagement metric. We scroll seemingly indefinitely through social media, an algorithm slapping dopamine straight at you as it chooses what it seems to believe you would like to see. Your time, your snippets of life, turned into data just to find ways to obtain more of it. It seems that these days it's a lot easier to get distracted, to fail to take that initial leap to do something. As everything contests for your time, and procrastination and self-doubt can take the reigns.
Well, my fear of the blank page isn't purely metaphorical. I have been drawing pretty much daily for a few weeks now, noticing plenty of improvements as I ran through a large A4 sketchbook that sat idle for a year. Though, that A4 sketchbook grew thinner with constant drawing. Its paper not exactly ideal too. This made me want to get a sketchbook. A somewhat big leap into the drawing process as I would have something a bit more expensive, as well as more portable in A5 sizing. The day came in which the A4 sketchbook ran out of paper, and the dive into the sketchbook that I had purchased didn't really happen. I had good days, and I had bad days. Ones in which my learning process failed massively and I felt discouraged. Do I want to enter the sketchbook with a negative mindset? Nope.
What followed was the use of regular printer paper instead. The excuse I told myself was that I would spend a few more days on larger, cheaper paper to practice and let my mind settle as to go into the sketchbook a bit more prepared, both in drawing skill and mentally. Though as I would draw and days would pass, the sketchbook sat idle, waiting to be opened. I purchased a second one, the same sketchbook, with the assumption that perhaps if I purchased a replacement one, I would not fear going into it so much knowing there was another under the strange assumption that I may ruin it. The printer paper continued to be used. Christmas came and I received a larger sketchbook from a relative. Something I'm certainly looking forward to using, but now facing the realisation that I fear the blank page. It is a strange epiphany to have. The idea that a sketchbook in its new state is best left alone, that I may ruin it by using it. That perhaps I am not yet prepared, but one day will be. Outside of the physical blank page, this is a normal emotion to feel. The self-doubt that plagues the back of the mind and questions your abilities. It is one that is difficult to escape, but we know the answer to this problem already: just do it.
It is quite funny to be fully aware of these excuses I tell myself. To know that the fear of the blank page is totally irrational. And an excuse that causes more harm than good in the end. In this instance, the fear of the blank page can result in less drawing in general. Less creativity expressed. And the worst outcome being that there is less practice obtained and thus less growth as the mileage gained from practice decreases. Outside of this specific situation, it is interesting to see how the mind works in such ways. Seeing how we crave instant satisfaction and fear the concept of failure. Even when it results in counterproductive behaviour and thinking. Stepping back, we can ask ourselves what it is we really fear, and try to understand whether it is something rational or purely illogical, only causing more harm. In many cases, the fear of the blank page is irrational. The blank page being nothing more than paper that can be replaced, though used to expand upon the self and create growth and creativity. To not use it would be to reject the self. Though I still hesitate when it comes to taking the leap.
And it's taking the leap that stops us from doing the things that actually benefit us. The things we actually want to do. It keeps us from personal growth and exploration of ourselves and surroundings. The blank page metaphorically represents opportunity. To leave it blank is to leave something unexplored. It is incredibly tragic to consider. Though with enough thought on the matter, I feel I have come to the realisation of how dumb I am being. That writing all of this out has made me really see that there is more to gain than there is to lose, and it applies to most situations in which we must accept that perhaps we may fail, but failure leads to a lesson we learn from. In general I do feel that I try to keep an open mind regarding most things, a willing to listen and learn. But of course acting yourself rather than merely preaching to others is the hardest challenge of all. This is something I admit I do often, but have been trying to escape. It is easy to know what the right course of action is, and incredibly easy to tell another person what it may be. But to adapt and make the changes and apply them yourself is difficult. Well, that is enough I guess! No more fearing the blank page. No more printer paper and procrastination as a result of self-doubt and fear of failure.
Hopefully this helps others that may be sitting idle, afraid to take the little leap to get something moving. To realise that you're better failing and attempting than doing nothing having never tried. Good luck out there!
