The conditions of my life are in my FACE the moment I wake up.
And I'm fucking pissed.
The continuing, ongoing, daily punishment are so far and beyond the magnitude of the crime - it is almost comical if it weren't real - and the actual consequences have not even begun in my life.
I'm angry. Betrayed. Outcast.
And the moment I wake up - I'm arguing, blaming, rationalizing and detailing the wrongs made against me.
If you had stood beside me, I would continue to make the great income our happy marriage inspired of me. Now that you stand against me, apart from me, separated, divorced - there is NO way I'm going to have great success and then be required to reward you with wealth and abundant support.
All by my self. No-one here to hear me, no-one listening to understand me, no-one who attacked and betrayed me will apologize.
Nothing in my situation will change - no matter how angry I am, no matter how justified my anger is. Instead, my brain will remain in high-beta brainwave state thus limiting my emotional repertoire to basic 'survival' responses - and I will just be stuck in the ANGER.
Failing, to get even.
Likely the most stupid strategy I have sub-consciously used in most of my life, and activated strongly when I am swimming in feelings of anger, resentment, oppression etc.
And yet, as unhealthy as this thinking pattern is for my own happiness - today it is the loudest voice in my head, and it is my hope to release it to 'paper' and be rid of it from my head.
