Recently, I was being a negative Nancy. After a while of listening to me gripe, my partner decided to try to help me change my thought process by introducing a new concept. For every negative comment or complaint, I was to come up with something positive to say. At first, this was not easy.
Me: I’m hot!
Him: (looking at me expectantly) Well?
Me: (remembering the rules of the game) But, at least I know I am alive!
We both had a laugh over this one. It wasn’t exactly what he was expecting, but I was getting the idea.
By the end of the day, we had it down. Not only was I countering my negative comments more quickly, but my outlook became more positive and I began complaining less. I also began to appreciate the things around me more.
Being able to appreciate what we have is one of the things which is taught in Positive Psychology. Too often, we forget to be thankful for what we have around us. It’s too easy to fall into the trap which allows one’s self to believe happiness will only be achieved when you achieve a certain goal, or buy a particular product. However, how can we appreciate what we will acquire tomorrow if we fail to appreciate what we have now?
The trick is to remember what we have to be thankful for. It does not have to be big, it can be as simple as appreciating the shirt you have on today, or being grateful for being alive. What you don't want to do is fall into the rut of thinking that all is doom and gloom.
The same can be said about relationships. Complaints can easily be taken personally, making the receiver feel worthless. However, we can turn this around.
My partner’s suggestion went something like this:
Him: I don’t like it when you…, however I appreciate when you…
This approach can open the way toward expressing discontent, however not make your partner feel like you don’t see all the wonderful things they also contribute to the relationship.
Just keep in mind, it’s easy to swing too far in the ‘thinking positive’ direction. It can be dangerous, and ill-advised to turn a blind eye to everything which causes one discomfort. For every negative, there is a positive. We would never realize the full potential of a good thing, if we had no awareness of its counter-opposite.
As for the ‘Balanced Thought’ game, we are still playing it. And yes, I did get a tiny thrill at being able to remind my partner who texted me this from work the other day:
Him: I hurt.
Me: But???
Him: I’ll get good sleep for a while though.
Smartass ;-)
