It's 12 o'clock, it's midnight, and I am petrified, walking alone in the road, just got back from the office. I am exhausted, a group of men, are following me, now. Hard breaths, I call my mother, and now, she is more worried, more tensed than I am. I assure, her I will be back. I am very close to home. But I can feel those people, getting more close. I can hear them whistling, calling me in thousand names. I am cursing my fate now. I start running, the cold wind gushing on my face~ I feel a hand on my shoulder, another hand on my belly, my back in against them now, two or three, I don't know. I am mad, I want them just to leave, "leave me, please", I beg. I cry, I should, I see those street kids staring at me blankly. I see those women, breastfeeding their child, sighing in disgust. I see men, enjoying the scene, why not? It was their turn next. I black out. I find myself cut into pieces, next morning.
It's 11 o'clock, it's about midnight, and I am terrified, I am with my boyfriend, I love him so dearly, I might just give away my whole life for him and not think twice. But tonight, I just don't, don't feel like doing what he wants me to do. I don't like it, but I am afraid, what if he leaves me for someone who'd do all those things he asked me to do once. I can't let him know. I struggle to breathe as I take him inside, I feel disgusted, but I love him. I truly do. I just don't want him to leave, so I let my soul die in peace. I do not think about it anymore and become his slave for eternity. I cage my thoughts and I cage myself.
It's 10 o'clock, it's night, and dark, I feel something on my chest, I am very afraid to open up my eyes. I know I am still in my house, in my room, on my bed, my pillow still smells of my mother hand-made oil from the other day. But the whispers, I know the voice, know the words, my uncle. I keep quiet, I stay stiff, I just want him to go away. I feel dirty, those kisses on my body. I want to scream, but I don't have any courage, I want my stuff bear close to me. I want to cry, I just cannot. I slowly get numb, to his every touch.
It's 9 o'clock, my husband just came back to home. It was a bad day at work. He did not say a word as he ate his food and asked me to come to bed. As I entered the room, he closed the door from behind, and I knew what was next. It was not romantic, it was not nice, it was not butterflies in the stomach, like on those TVs, it was pain. He beat me up the whole night, it was a deal, I signed when I said yes to the marriage. He said, "this is my relief". He scratches me deliberately, and his thrusts feel so painful, he never cared how I feel, or how bad it hurts. I told my mother about it, she asked me to 'obey' him. My family wanted the marriage more than I ever did. And every night the door closes, and so does my freedom to live with it.
It's 8 o'clock, I am the only one left in the room. I had my exam today, and results weren't that great. This is the 5th time, I failed. I need good grades for my varsity admission. My teacher is sitting in front of me on a chair. He asks me to come close to him. I loathe. There's no one in the coaching and the place stinks of alcohol and weed. My teacher smells of liquor and weed. He comes very close to me, whispers, "If you don't move, I won't fail you again." I just give up, I don't fight. I don't do anything. I cannot face my mother with this grades, rather, I'll just die here. I bleed so much after he left me in that filthy classroom, alone. He asked me to clean the floor before I leave.
It's 7 o'clock, I am on the public bus going home, there is a load of unknown faces. As I stand in the crowd, I feel someone pushing themselves on me from behind, I feel very threatened, and I rush to sit. And as I sit, I feel someone's finger trying to reach my boobs from between the seats. I shout to stop the bus and get off and try to take a rickshaw home. The rickshaw puller stopped in a middle of nowhere and asks to read me an address from the paper. The paper felt different and smelled of something, I black out. When I open my eyes, I find myself in the middle of a road, with no clothes and nowhere to go.
12, 11, 10, 09, 08, 07.. these are just number and not time.
Infant, girl, woman.. these are just plurals and does not hold any meaning.
They will be raped, they will be murdered, as long as they live. Nothing would change, feminism is just another trend.
They will be insulted, they will be named.
It's not the men, it's not the world, it's just them.