I stopped at a vendor because heavy rain suddenly fell. I shelter and wait for the rain to stop. A heavy rain gives me so much fear. It's like I'm in a trauma that will never be forgotten in my thoughts even though I'm older. That's why every time the rain will fall it makes me sad. I became emotional while watching the rain falling in slow motion in my thoughts. All of a sudden I was surprised when a child suddenly asked me.
"Hey, mister."
"Yes?" I replied as I went down to match his height.
"Do you know where to go to Heaven? I have saved money to use in going there."
Sadness struck my heart. I was like this long ago or maybe worse.
"Sorry, I don't know either. I wanted to go there as well because a special someone is there."
I don't want to make the child sad so I just copied his thoughts. But all of a sudden his wiping his eyes. He does it faster and faster until he really cries.
"My Father was there long ago and he never returned. I'm just worried if he was not lonely because I and Mother are not there for him."
I looked up first before trying to answer him. I prevented myself from crying because I'm touched by this poor child.
"You don't need to go there. Just wait in time."
I said it with a smile but my teary eyes started showing what I feel.
"Sorry mister for my son." His mother suddenly shows up and gets him.
I just answered her with a smile and I left. The rain stopped so I continued walking but the boy hit me hard. He reminded me of who I was before or what I was. I'm just like him who was longing for someone special. At my younger age, I never knew who my mother was. It's only me and my mother back then in a scrappy house made from defective galvanized iron, sacks of yeast, and bamboo trees. I'm walking with a heavy heart as I remember what happened yesterday when I was young.
"Papa, the rainwater came through our roof."
"Wait son, I will cover the hole with thick paper."
My father covered the hole and the rainwater stopped flowing from the roof.
There was a storm back then that created heavy rainfall. Since our roof was made from a nipa hut. A hole is easy to make on it with just stone or strong wind. How could I forget those days if that was the time I saw my father crying. It was very cold back then and my body was shaking because of it. My father was busy covering the holes in our roof. I saw him crying maybe because was tired of that pathetic life.
"Father, I'm hungry," I said to my father when I woke up.
"Father---?" I wonder why he didn't answer.
"Hey, father---father---"
As a 10-year-old boy, I could tell what's going on. My face started frowning. My eyes got wetter. My voice couldn't make a sound that I wanted to speak. I was like deafening by the silence.
"Father---hey, father. Please ---,"
Those words were only I could say after hugging the cold body of my father. My father was dead in front of my eyes. I heard it was a week that he felt hotter. My neighbor said he wanted to go to the hospital to have a checkup. He refused to do so because we did not have money. I saw him pale and looked weak but I never thought it was that serious. Maybe got wet from the rain and felt cold from that typhoon was the reason. I had nothing to do but cried watching my father have no life.
"Why am I remembering the past now?"
In my thoughts, while letting the water flow through my eyes. I arrived at my house because the rain never comes back on falling. Even though heavy rain will still fall these days I'm not afraid anymore. I have a beautiful house and thanks to Mr. Claus.
A week after when he learned about what happened to my father. He took care of the burial and everything. He was a buyer of fish from my father and became a friend. He's nice that he allows me to stay in his care. He even sent me to school but in return, I became a house boy. Although he didn't ask me to be but I just decided because I was ashamed to stay in their house like his child.
I became a professional but my past is not easy to forget. Even though it's painful, it still gives me so much happiness. It's part of me that made me who I am now.
END...
mrnightmare
