What's in a Name? Plenty!

*All names have been changed with the exception of Ruth.
Out in the High Desert lies heaps of acre-size lots filled with rotting vehicles of every variety known to man in various stages of decay. Once imposing as well as magnificent in their prime, they ruled the roads of their time. Their furious engines dominated the vast ribbons of highways. Chieftains of their domain they were the boss.
Now worn out and grey as the sands of their beds, this valley, too, was once lush and green as any fine meadow. Why, even dry Apple Valley at one time produced fertile orchards of its namesake. We look at people the same way. “Just an old fart. Serves ‘em right.” “What do they know?” But is that all you see?
Let’s take the Notorious Mexican Mafia for example. The Mexican Mafia was established in California in 1957 by Hispanic gang members who were part of the prison system (Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mexican_Mafia). They came from different Los Angeles neighborhoods.
The rules of conduct are:

1. A member may not be an informant, or rat.
2. A member may not be a coward.
3. A member may not raise a hand against another member without approval.
4. A member must not show disrespect for any member's family, including sex with another member's wife, or girlfriend.
5. A member must not steal from another member.
6. A member may not be homosexual.
7. A member must not politic against another member or cause dissension within the organization.
8. Membership is for life.
9. It's mandatory to assault/kill all dropouts.
10. La eMe comes first. Even before your own family.
11. A member must not interfere with another member's business activities ( Blatchford, Chris (2008). The black hand : the bloody rise and redemption of "Boxer" Enriquez, a Mexican mob killer (1st ed.). New York: Harper Collins. ISBN 9780061257292. Retrieved December 18, 2016.)
    In essence, they are to be feared and respected.
    Looking at Ignacio one can garner the same conclusion-worn out and old-and feared. Open your eyes. He grew up in this culture. By no means a model citizen even by his own account, he saw things. He partook of some. His stab wounds serve as reminders of survival. During an interrogation of his superiors, he knew his own life was at stake. They made it clear on what they were going to do and how they were going to do it. They asked why he was in Los Angeles. Ignacio explained that he was from there. He was there because of his family. The man in charge pressed further about the name of his family. Ignacio told him who his grandfather was. Then he was asked about his grandmother. Ignacio told them. Upon learning who his grandparents were, Ignacio was ordered to be let go. His life was spared all because of who his grandparents were in the Mafia.
    Fast forward many years later. The winds change to and fro. The sands shift their course of direction.
    Ruth was like a second mother to me and definitely a grandmother to my children. The mother of eight daughters, I was her ninth. Thin, frail-looking – and white-from a White American background, was born in Missouri, pronounced “Missera.” She came to California when she was about 12 years old. I knew her from when my ex-husband dated one of her daughters. Ruth and her husband also attended the same church congregation that we attended. We were new to the Ward (congregation). I recognized their names when they spoke one Sunday. I sent them a letter asking if they were who I thought they were. From that moment on, she and her husband were like my second parents. They detested my ex with a passion. They made sure that I had a working refrigerator and home-cooked meals; the stress that I was under left me unable to eat most of the time. They regularly brought me a Pepsi while they drove me back and forth to work between Hesperia and Barstow – a total of 41 miles each way. They made sure that I ate and survived.
    After we moved to Utah, we continued the friendship. When they celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary, I flew out for the occasion. It was the last time I would see her husband alive. He died three months later.
    Ruth had a heart of gold as well as the personality of a mama bear. You don’t mess with her babies! Her exterior deceiving her interior, she was never one to turn a needy soul away whether it was an animal or a human. So she befriended Ignacio. He, in turn, protected her – and my children. That is, he and Butch, a former white Supremacist.
    Like most kids, my daughter, Susie needed to find her place in this world. She was bored living with in Utah. Oh, sure, she had an active social life but she wanted more. She was a 3rd generation Southern California-born girl with me be the 2nd and my mom being the 1st. We moved to Utah in 2002. Susie always wanted to go back. When the invitation came from an old friend, she went. The invitation came with a price. The old friend soon became her husband and the sperm donor to her two children. Never much of a husband, Squirmy was about 5 feet 3 inches with scars left over from cleft palate surgery when he was an infant. He possessed an insatiable appetite for cigarettes, alcohol, and pornography in that order. He had no regard for the sanctity of marriage, let alone women for that matter. We frequently butted heads over his “management” of the bills. I ended up paying several of their bills which included having the utilities turned on and paying over $35 to have their laundry done just days before their first baby’s birth, as well as to put basic household supplies on the shelf. He absolutely could not tolerate a woman standing up to him, not to mention a well educated woman such as myself. On top of that his family continually put my daughter’s life at risk as well as her first-born and then eventually her second.
    After Squirmy was released from the military he could not hold a job and lived with his family. Since they did not have health insurance, Becky, their first-born went without health care. She was behind on her immunizations and suffered innumerable ear infections. She was less than two years old. Whenever Squirmy’s dad or his dad’s lover, Dolores would remind him to take Susie and Becky to the doctor’s he would go into a rage telling them to mind their own business. Any time Susie confronted him, he would throw a temper tantrum. Whenever she threatened to leave, Squirmy would take Becky out of a sound sleep and hold her close to him to keep Susie from taking her. Dolores’s son, Thor, often threatened Susie’s life. When Susie confronted Squirmy about his infidelities, which happened often and once while she and I were on the phone their first Thanksgiving Day together, he turned it around to look as if she was guilty as well. He often hit her, whether she was pregnant or not. While pregnant with Lindy, he saw no reason to get prenatal care, surmising that since the first pregnancy went well, this one would too. He also had the excuse that he just didn’t have the time. He was out of work and doing next to nothing to make the situation better.
    Texting can be a wonderful tool. I learned how from the best – Susie. It used to annoy me to no end that she did so much of it. When she moved to California and refused to speak to me or return my calls, I began texting her back! Viola! A discussion ensued. Ruth was a texter too. This tactic came in handy when the situation became volatile.
    Once it was evident that this living arrangement was not going to last and that we had to get Susie and Becky out of there fast I came up with a plan. Ruth. Like I said, you don’t mess with Ruth. Looks are definitely deceiving! Little old lady – give me a break!
    Ruth went for a visit as Grandma Ruth. Squirmy was none the wiser. He did not know my family well enough. She lived in Apple Valley as well. She took Susie and Becky for a girl’s day out. Keeping me informed the entire time. The plan was to get Susie away long enough for her to feel safe enough to leave when she was ready and the necessary documents out and in Ruth’s home. The day-out turned into several. Ruth insisted that Susie get a pregnancy test. Squirmy was required to go to the County Health Department with them where the obvious was confirmed.
    Never having children of his own; Ignacio helped care for Becky. He saw Becky as a gift. His resolve was to protect her at whatever the cost came from the traditions of his familia.
    Squirmy got suspicious. Susie went back with him. I panicked. Ruth assured me Susie was warming up to the idea. Susie texted me that she wasn’t ready to leave him.
    About a week later, all hell broke loose. Susie was scared. There had been arguing amongst her and Squirmy and his other family members. She only communicated through texting. I texted Ruth back. Ruth, sensing the urgency as well, grabbed Ignacio and Butch. Ruth drove them over to Squirmy’s, parking in front of the house but not on the property itself. Ignacio and Butch got out and stayed at the car. Dolores hollered at them, threatening them that she would call the Sheriff if they didn’t leave. The men glared at her with a look of “what are you going to do?” When Ruth heard the yelling as well as the threats she called the Sheriff. The men continued to wait. Susie ran outside with Becky, handing her to Ruth. Seeing those large men and knowing they were there to protect her and her child gave her the force to run back in to retrieve what she needed. Ruth let Becky play with the steering wheel as a diversion.
    During all of this Squirmy pushed Susie down. Susie was expecting Lindy and no one was really sure how far along she was since Squirmy refused to let Susie be seen. Thor reminded Susie while she was trying to get out of the house that he could “do her in” anytime he wanted to. This came from a man who had a protective order against him for child abuse. His sweet mother, Dolores, only wanted what was best for her son, naturally went behind the law and saw to it that he saw his child regularly in her home.
    Susie grabbed what she could. The sheriff arrived. They questioned both Susie and Squirmy. This was the second time they had been called on Squirmy. Susie tried to press charges against him but he talked his way out of it. The sheriff left him with a warning that the next time he would be arrested. There was not going to be a next time. Ignacio and Butch waited outside the yard, loading up the car with what Susie could get out in such a short time and it wasn’t much. The entire time Ruth was keeping me posted through texting.
    Once I knew that Susie and Becky were safe at Ruth’s home I contacted the rental company and had to go through at least three different branches in two different counties to get a vehicle. I got one at the very last minute of their work day and was on the road to California by 7:00 pm Mountain Standard Time. Loaded with just what I would need: food, energy drinks, and a change of clothing, I raced out of there. I had not slept for at least 48 hours except for maybe an hour. My step-mother, sensing my lack of sleep, called reminding me to rest in an effort to avoid an accident. During those hours, though, adrenaline was in charge. She was absolutely correct but my body was on auto pilot. Normally not one to drink energy drinks unless it is a dire need, I loaded up on them. And I could not sleep even if I wanted to. To this day, she may think otherwise, but all the way from Lehi, Utah to Saint George, Utah, a total of about 274 miles and 4 hours, I wrestled with the wisdom of pulling over to sleep. She was doing what I do with my own kids and I respected it. But, too, I was torn with trying to get to Apple Valley and out before dawn. I have survived so many health issues just by shear willpower and this time was no different. Again, the gnawing of being careful was constantly there. So…I found a parking lot in Saint George around midnight and tried to sleep. It worked. I fell into a deep, sound sleep…for a half hour. It was not going to work. I took off for Apple Valley, arriving there around 2:30 a.m. Pacific Standard Time, 3:30 a.m. Mountain Standard Time.
    Around April of that year, I had a distinct dream about rescuing my kids. I was holding Becky as we got on a boat. The boat was made from metal material maybe aluminum. The seams came together up inside the boat. They were significant because I kept an eye on them, watching for any leakage. The boat was like a row boat but more rectangular. Each end of it was slightly smaller than the length, at least half or a quarter of the length. Becky held onto me with her life, in a death grip, her feet scrunched under her. She kept saying, “Help me Grandma” as we crossed this large body of water, similar to an ocean. There was another little guy in the boat whose name I think was Noah. No one was watching out for Noah that I could see. I felt sorry for him because of that.
    As we crossed this body of water, Richard, my youngest son who was 21 years old, was at the helm maneuvering us through. At some point I yelled that land was only 26 miles away and that we could see it. A ship was coming toward us. I yelled to Richard about it. He steered the boat to the left as the ship passed us by splashing water onto us.
    I am deathly afraid of being on a boat in the ocean or a deep lake. I kept watching the seams in hopes they would not leak. They did not. At first, the water splashed onto the boat which was level with the water line once we were all in it. We were sitting on a built-in bench and were below the water line. When the ship passed, we began getting wet but not to the point of sinking. When we arrived at the landing site, Noah was the first one out. He slipped into a garbage can, getting slimy. I felt so bad for him and helped pull him out as Becky clung tightly to me. I kept thinking, “She doesn’t know who I am” yet she did by the way she clung to me, yelling “Grandma, help me!”
    I awoke from this dream as if it had really happened. The fear was so strong and the feeling of Becky so real, although she was 581 miles and 9 hours away. There had been a series of dreams within the past couple of months but this one was more real than the others. Susie had gotten angry with me again that day and hung up on me. It seemed as if we were going through this incredible situation and being completely watched out for by unseen powers.
    When I arrived, Becky was asleep on Ruth’s couch in just a diaper. It was the middle of a hot summer in Southern California. When I picked her up, she remembered me just like the dream. She called me “Gramma” and clung tightly as I carried her to the car. I was so, so tired but Susie was scared and wanted out of there, promising to drive if it became necessary. We were gone within a half hour, arriving back in Lehi by 3:30 pm Mountain Standard Time. Literally within minutes of unloading the car, I was asleep, no longer able to hold on any longer.
    The very next day we were able to secure a protective order against Squirmy. Both Susie and Becky had doctor’s appointments for that Friday. Two days after arriving, Squirmy and his dad, Weasel, tracked Susie’s cell phone. They sent intimidating remarks about having her arrested if she did not return immediately to California with Becky. This information was used in court against them. Becky was treated for two ear infections – something her father should have been proactive about. Susie’s pregnancy was deemed risky. Never sure how far along she was the doctors monitored her ever so carefully. She did not have enough fluid, iron, and weight which were constant concerns. When Lindy was born, the cord was wrapped around her neck. The doctor carefully separated her from it. I cut the cord forever bonding us. We could have easily lost Lindy – and quite possibly Susie had they not left when they did. Becky had been suffering from ear infections for who knows how long. My blood boils when I think of the neglect of Squirmy and his “rational.”
    Three and a half years later I legally adopted both girls as a single woman in a state that favors heterosexual couples. Twenty years prior to this date, this feat would not have been quite so possible. Susie voluntarily relinquished her rights for the safety of the children. She maintains regular contact. In the end, Becky received two surgeries on her ears as well as being diagnosed with multiple issues of which are currently being addressed as of this writing. She has a ways to go but has made such wonderful progress. She will most certainly succeed. Lindy is incredibly intelligent and as precocious as they come. She was born with a low birth weight but one would never know that today given her adventurous spirit.
    The day that Squirmy’s rights were forever terminated, I sent Ruth a text thanking her for saving my family. I asked her to thank Ignacio as well. He was lying on a table in the Emergency Room suffering from a heart attack. He wept.
    Rather than judge one based upon your own preconceived notions, you might want to consider where the scars came from. This was once a fresh individual with a bright future. This person had dreams. This person had loved ones who might have seen potential in them with a capital P. Getting below the crusty surface lays a dormant individual with compassion greater than any squeaky clean suit fresh out of your typical ladies’ magazine if we could just tap into it.
    And while I choose to live as far away from Los Angeles and the High Desert of Southern California as I can, my heart is ALWAYS there. Almost like a ghost, I never left. Like the bonds that tie us to our mothers, strong are my bonds to that place. Our lives will never be the same thanks to a crusty old woman, a former member of the White Supremacist, and a member of the notorious Mexican Mafia. Oddly enough it was a white person who put the lives of my daughters at risk. Race has nothing to do with who the person is but the person’s character most certainly has.
    Kelli L. McDonald
    December 5, 2017