Tuesday. I feel better today. Tracie and I did a recording of a podcast yesterday and had lots of fun. We posted it to anchor.fm/mootens
We had the goal of spending more time together and talking more, so it was a natural outcome that we did it. We also are going to do one today as well.
Yesterday I was feeling in a phunk in terms of where I was in my life, and the "NEED" to come in to work was playing in my mind. I verbalized it, wrote it out and talked it out in order for me to be satisfied with me working out my issues that I had in my mode of thinking.
Monday. Well rested. I feel at 100% in terms of my sickness. I don't have any mucus or cough, or any adverse feeling in my body. I rested a lot yesterday.
I have not been doing my programming. I have not been progressing my skills. I have been in a phunk due to my sickness. Sleeping more, less energy. I have not been staying up doing my coding at night [9pm - 1am] (which is when I ususally get most of my coding work done). I have instead rested. I am going to start getting back into it. I have been continuing my physical work, going to nursing work, and maintaining my cleaning. I have been biting my nails recently. I am not going to bite my nails anymore. I want to be the best I can be, and if I am not progressing my skills in terms of software developing / programming, I am not doing my best. I have talked to Louis about his programming, and I have set myself up to collaborate with him and see what we can do together. i briefly looked it over and was tkla
Shannon G is good at contracts / for specialty programs. I asked what she did for billing: she states the MEDICAL / state billing is not her area of expertise, it is more for specialty programs / contracts. Her expertise would be well needed for the big idea of the "Healing Center" we have an idea about.
I have had 2 cups of coffee. I am not going to make it for lunch (will take my lunch at work, and stretch on yoga ball..i am waiting to discharge my last patient). I am thinking about the reason for life. I know it is to do my best, and life is special because it exists, and the sheer fact that it is existing, and I have my life means I have to live my best life./……..but ……I want more. I saw my vacation times. I have around 2.5w work weeks of vacation. Same in terms of SICK time. But the sick time cannot be used so easily. I have a great life I have lived up to, and have my work which is stable, and beautiful wife, cats, and life…..then why am I romanticizing living in my car. I literally have a fantasy of me living in my car, doing what i want to be doing at all times. NO COMMITMENTS, no NEED to sustain the lifestyle I have now (mortgage, marriage, job) Etc. I romanticize it, but I know that it is a different type of life. Sometimes I feel like that is what I want to do…even though it is a fleeting thought. Other times I am so grateful for what I have, I want to protect it at all costs.
I feel that when I write out my thoughts, it makes them real, and forces me to be accountable. "IT MAKES SENSE IN MY HEAD", but when that "sense" it put in the context of THE REAL WORLD, THIS PHYSICAL REALITY…it does not make sense. Like how can I LOVE to have a house, and my lifestyle, but I want to live in my car. It doesn't make any sense in the real world, but in my head, it makes sense at the moment. Writing forces me to structure my ideas, feelings, and actions to conform to reality.
I love my house, but I do not like the mortgage, the NEEDING to pay for it, along with that comes the NEED to go to work, or else I wont get paid, I lose my house, etc. I love the life that I have now… I have been thinking more about living in the moment. like right now. When I am in my thoughts, writing them out, actively opening them up and restructuring . making them real, and holding myself accountable to myself. I have these grand ideas and goals about where I want my life to go.
I will do my best in everything that I do. It is only an issue with my mode of thinking (romanticizing living in my car, wanting to break away from my regular life of M-F 9-5). Overall, the mode of thinking is A LOT better that it was 1 year ago, 2 + years ago. I worked so hard to get to this point, and now…it feels like I am rethinking about the type of life I actually want to live. I have talked to Tracie, intermittently about the ideas, but they never go farther than her saying…yeah I would NOT want to live like that"…
Sunday. Mowed the back lawn, finished the front lawn and filled up the green waste. Cleaned. Michael and Nadia came over to work out. Tacos / quesadilla afterward. Showered, took a few hour nap. Tracie came home. Folded laundry, went to sleep.
Saturday. No lawnwork. Dad's birthday. Video chatted with family. Consumed a lot of content. Rested as well through a 3 hour nap. Then Tracie came home, we went to get chinese food, booked the Avengers movie. Came home, ate, waited, then saw the movie from 11pm-2am. It was a 7/10 film, but I enjoyed the experience with Tracie. Slept between 230 - 3am.
Friday. Halfway done with work for the day. After, come home and chill before Tracie arrives back and I have to pick her up. She has a checked bag, so I have to plan the timing for the best time to go. I talked to Louis over text: we were talking about collaborating together to create something greater than the individual parts.
Thursday. Woke up well rested. Got going with what I needed to be doing to get the day started. Work is going well. Right now I am waiting for a patient to come.
It is 3pm right now. I have been going strong today. I was sick yesterday, but I reflected on how much I have accomplished, and understand the "living in the moment" is awesome. In the big picture. Sometimes I get stuck on meaningless BULLSHIT that should not affect me in my life, but still does. I love life though.
I was sitting in my backyard, with the cats. Hotter inside the house than outside.
Wednesday. Went to bed at 1030pm last night. Rested well, woke up at 630am, but still feeling sick. Laid in bed until around 730. Right now it is 0908 and I feel like I am dragging. I am hesitant to write it out because I do not want to make it real. I have to make it real in order for me to change it though. I do feel like I am dragging. What am I doing about it? I took my fish oil and tumeric supplement this morning. I am drinking water. I am making sure my work is done so I do not have any built up stress from stuff I need to do.
Felt sick in the morning and went home after the meeting ~ 130pm. I had to go home because I was not feeling well. Bought my kambucha, reflected where I was at in my life while in my backyard, and took a nap. I slept for ~3 hours and peter called to catch up ~530. We talked, cesi is pregnant, excited for the baby. we all are. Then I cleaned up / trash / dishes. I was consuming content and felt some type of way. That feel when still sick, don't want to work on projects I've been working on, relax, thinking about things, goals, big picture, work. I have an idea that I want to produce the most value, but since I have been sick, I have had to do self care first.
Tuesday. Still sick. Felt better today. Had energy from resting, my coffee. Work went fine. I talked to coworkers, drove to different sites. After work Miguel and I worked out: weights. Biceps, shoulders, triceps, and abs. After, we did a podcast together and uploaded it to The MOOTENS podcast on anchor. After he left I went to Dollar Tree to buy razors, and ranch flavored corn nuts. I also went to Weinershnitzel and bought 2 corn dogs, 2 chilli dogs, and chilli cheese fries. I felt SUPER FUCKING bloated after I ate that. My system is still recovering from that food. I video chatted with Tracie: she is with Steven and Amy in Los Angeles. I was feeling sick still, and noticed when I would breathe in, I would get a little wheezing in my lungs. After I ended the video chat with Tracie, I went to bed. It was 1030pm and I fell asleep.
Monday. Woke up well rested. Woke up at like 1am, drank water, 5am, drank water, 7am, drank water. I meditated in bed laying next to Tracie. Those moments are priceless. Laying next to Tracie, warm body, well rested, comfortable. Cats on the bed. FUCK it feels good to be alive.
I am sick. Today is around day 3-4 of my sickness. I was starting to feel some symptoms around Thursday last week, but it never really "hit" to the point where I could officially say "I am sick". I was able to say this on Saturday: slight sickness, hopefully it goes away. Yesterday after working out and spending 3 hours in Traffic, with 5 hours of sleep, and a GOOD workout in… Yeah I felt sick yesterday.
At this moment, it is 915am, I am blowing my nose, journaling here in my office, waiting for my patients to get here. I have accomplished a lot already, and feels like today is going to be a GREAT day.
I was thinking in the morning about BIGGER plans / goals. First, I thought about the plan Michael, Miguel, and I were talking about: a medical space / phyisical building that allows people to health and grow. The overall plan is that the services offered are focused on improving the community / people. Counseling services, therapy, exercise, talks, art, etc are meant to be the base of the services. There is an idea about this, but nothing is concrete. It is a verbalization of ideas…and then…oh it is too much to think about at this specific moment. I think about this, and I think I would like to do this in order to further my goals in improving the world. It would also be DOPE as FUCK if we would be able to make this our FULL time "job". I put job in quotes because the idea that we have does not "feel" like a job. Also, all of our close friends and family CAN help and join, if they want. Our other counselor / medical provider friends.
One of the biggest resources holding us back is MONEY, and SPACE. (currently)
As I was typing the above sentence, I think of other avenues in which we can start. Saturday / Sunday Hansen clinic and Davis clinic are not open, and the building is not being used.
I have ideas that have not been implemented yet:
Sticker art +
Got home, called mom / dad. Cleaned. Went to West Sac to see Louis and Q. Louis is very interesting to me because we have many same interests. Photoshop, Fl Studio, Programming (he is good at Python), and being an entrepreneur in getting jobs and doing his best to acheive his goals.
I have been wanting to network with him more because it is rare to find other people with the same interests / skills. We can play off each other, learn, and grow together. We can help each other in acheiving what we want to acheive.
I am going to type out my experience from yesterday:
Got to west sac. Called Louis, waited for him to open the gate. Went to his apartment. He just moved in. Doesn't even have a trashCAN yet. Apartment is modern, nice, and clean. He is sharing it with his girlfriend: Q. She likes expressing her ideas, especially throug music "I have all these beats in my head…" Louis started off by showing his workstation. Then he opened up his python projects and showed me what he has been working on. Cool projects written in python. I noticed he was working on github and had searched "what happens when you clone a github repository" and we talked about how he was planning on setting up a github page and putting some projects there. When he showed me the projects he had been working on and what he was thinking about the project of adding on to the projects and the goals and ideas
Sunday. Woke up at 8am at Dasha and Brandon's place. They had slept more because they slept at like 12am, we went to sleep at 2am. We talked, then got ready for the gym. Worked out at the nice gym, weights, stretching, yoga, calisthenics. Then went to jacuzzi and talked / hung out. It was awesome. Then rinsed, made / ate food, and walked back to car to leave SF. Took 3 hours to get home because of traffic. Got home.
I took a power nap for 30 minutes after coming home. Took a shower, and got ready for our free sushi dinner where Tracie modeled her Vietnamese Au Yai with her fellow vietnamese queens. I took some pictures, and ate food. I also read "Practical SVG" pdf book by Chris Coyier on my phone. I remember reading this when I WAS JUST STARTING OUT wroking with SVGs. Now that I am more familiar, the concepts were easier understand.
Saturday. Today is 4/20/2019. So much fun. In the morning I did yard work, and filled up the GREEN waste (mowed lawn / picked weeds). Fabi came over and we went to home depot to install a pull up bar in the backyard. Luis came over and we talked about gardening, and agricultural plans / garden beds / green house structures. Tracie came home, we left to SF. We got to Dasha's place and it was beautiful. They live in the tallest residential building in the middle of SF. The top floor is all open, and there is a 360 degree wrap around view of all of SF. We hanged out, ate food, walked around and had adventures, then finsihed off the night talking to interesting people on top of the tallest tower in SF, with heated seating, and a fireplace. The people we talked to were at the top of their game in terms of technology (working with machine learning, artificial intelligence, self driving cars, advanced math, lots of money. Funny listening to rich people problems and partake in the conversation. I talked to them about the Fibonacci numbers, and implanted seeds in their mind about SVG and fibonacci numbers, and my workflow. I forget his name, but something unique: srivin or something like that. Soft spoken, dressed "casual"- running shorts / shoes. but obviously very wealthy and smart. I told them I worked with vectors: the V in SVG, and how I use the fibonacci numbers in my work. Intially, they were dismissive of the possibility of using fibonacci numbers "no one has done it with machine learning in code that works…" since they are using advanced calculus and other math concepts. A huge part of the self driving cars are VECTORS that shape how the computer sees the world.
BRUCE. Mother fuckin BRUCE. He is a 22 year old programmer, graduated UCB, has worked at his first tech company for ~2 months: living in same building as dasha, and worked 1 block away. M-F, 8-5, says the job is just a job. He is very funny, and understands what he has. He lived in San Jose, and would dream about working in SF, now he is where he wants to be, and is living life to the 100.
Friday. Friday. Slept A FUCKING LOT yesterday. Woke up, showered, and listed to my "music" on shuffle. The "music" I have is a mix of actual music like $uicideBoy$, audiobooks, podcasts I have recorded, and edits of TRAP music I have made.
When Tracie asked me what my goals were on Wednesday afternoon, I told her I wanted to organize my thoughts. I did not do that on Wednesday because I wanted to create a website for King Louis 888mediagroup.netlify.com
As I talked to coworkers this morning and talked about what we are going to be doing for the weekend, I start to open up my mind about what I am going to be doing this weekend. Inspirations: cleaning (deeply and surface), traveling, gardening, enjoying the sun, food, drinks. I really enjoy talking to my coworkers and hearing how they structure their plans.
ORGANIZING MY THOUGHTS: When I think of organizing my thoughts, I think of the progression of organizing my thoughts. I have simplenote which I use as a daily journal.
I briefly looked over a few websites that were linked to me when I googled: how to organize thoughts.
" If you can force yourself to persist in the activity in spite of any distractions for twenty minutes, the chances are much higher that you will be able to sustain your focus and find a state of flow. "
"People have 70,000 thoughts a day"
A lot of what was said is "common sense" to me, as in I am already doing them / have that workflow set up / have done it in the past. The key is consistency and restructing. There are various models, but I want to document the flow that works best for me, and verbalize it in a way that makes sense. When I have verbalized / written out the best flow, the goal is to be able to share those Ideas and structuring to better understand my thought process, and help others by explaining the thought process.
I have found 4 hour chunks work best for producing the most amount of work in different tasks.
8-12 : 4 hour chunk of time for work
12-1 : lunch break where I will eat, listen to podcast, clean, etc
1-5: last chunk of the work day.
5-9 is when I do cleaning, eat, relax, communicate with family, and other various tasks that need to be done.
9pm-12-1am is when I do my computer stuff: research, programming, etc
12-1 - 7am is sleepy time. This is when I rest and cycle through all hundred of thousands of thoughts I have had in the day, and I reset my system.
It is like a computer that has hundreds of tabs open, different programs with projects open in them. I turn off the computer so everything will go away, and I am better able to focus when I get on the computer again. The things that keep coming back are the projects I keep working on.
So I am thinking about the actual thoughts: philosophy. I want to explore more about philosophy.
What have other people learned in their own thoughts and education of their understanding of this reality.
Research philosophers.
Thursday. Woke up feeling great. Worked on 888mediagroup.netlify.com for my friend king Louis. Plan is to network and share my skills to collaborate in the future and keep a connection open.
I came home, Tracie Time, talking, hanging out. I slept from 6pm to 1015pm. Tracie did laundry, Eric called, she was doing her computer work stuff. I was still in the relaxing mode so I laid around and was on my phone: reading articles, watching videos, on instagram. It was a good day because I rested and was living in the moment. I was listening to Alan Watts : living in the moment. This moment we are alive right now, the present. It is a special thing. Instead of expecting / planning for the future, I sometimes forget the actual MOMENT I am living in. So I listened to my body and rested. Did not "worry" about producing WORK, and rested (my body was telling me to rest).
Wednesday. Woke up, took a shower, laid back with Tracie before I "NEEDED" to get up and get ready for work. Went to work, got everything done of what needed to be done.
had my weekly meeting with my team at work. Talked to coworkers and checked in where they are at. Talked to an old friend: Manny from nursing school. He was precepting in the OB dept and is doing well for himself. He states he has been thinking about what he wants to do after he graduates: might go back to school, wants to do education, wants to stay local. I gave an update as to where I am at, what I'm doing.
As I look back and reflect in what I am doing, and how I shared my journey with Manny, I feel confident in where I am in my life. There is an ongoing, neverending journey of progression and it is exciting to continue to look forward and work towards my future.
At this point in my life at this exact moment, I am feeling an uncertainty in my being. I feel like the sugar in my lunch has affected me: I ate a "dessert" like lunch: oatmeal, almond milk, natural peanut butter, natural yogurt, nutella-like-sweetener, and cookies, all mixed. I made this because it was easy and delicious to make, but not so nutritious in terms of sugar. This is why I am feeling this type of way. Kind of like tired, or unconfident in my thinking. I do not want to feel like this. I will be more consiounsous of what I eat and what goes into my system.
I talked to my coworker and she told me she is struggling with her perception of what "comfortable" is. She has chronic sciatic nerve pain caused my a bad workout at the gym years ago. She was put on Gabapentin, and the medical system has failed her in terms of diagnosing and treating her pain. Because the imaging and labwork "looks" normal, there is nothing they can really do. She says she is understanding that the discomfort is a part of life, and she will not be "at 100%" ALL the time, and sometimes she will feel some type of discomfort, where in the past, she would just take her gabapentin.
I have gotten interesting feedback in my interactions with people. When I listen to people and they say something that catches my attention: like "I know it's going to suck, but I am going this weekend…" or "…I do not have a problem yet…but…"
I tell them "your words are powerful", if you are already thinking in that way…. and there has been multiple times where people will say …"I KNOW"…like they know themeselves, they are doing this cognitive
Tuesday. Work was great. Tracie had a day off, but she is sick from lack of sleep and overworking herself. Miguel and I worked out after work. ALl 3 of us talked after. Tracie and I hanged out, talked, had fun. I looked over some resources for programming, but did not have a specific desire / need to work on something or research something specifically.
Monday. Woke up feeling awesome. I slept well and rested well. The work that was done yesterday in terms of physical fitness growth still persists today, as my muscles / body are feeling good. Work went well. Talked to mom, dad, Louie when I got home. Hung out with Tracie, went shopping, talked, watched a Joe Rogan video podcast with Tom Papa. She worked on her stuff, I worked on my stuff. I published MOOTENSproductions.com
with the same workflow I created for MOOTENS.space .
I have been thinking about the merchandise, physical stuff I can offer to improve the functionality of people's lives. A tool I can offer that can improve the people's lives. Teach a man to fish…
Fanny packs are great technology that is not being used to by lots due to stigma, but the stigma is slowly going away. I have been thinking about the
https://www.aliexpress.com/item/Adisputent-Fashion-Fanny-Pack-For-Women-Men-Waist-Bag-Colorful-Unisex-Waistbag-Belt-Bags-Mobile-Phone/32984810426.html?spm=2114.search0104.3.132.6fff7e0emDKdwQ&ws_ab_test=searchweb0_0,searchweb201602_10_10065_10130_10068_10890_10547_319_10546_317_10548_10545_10696_453_10084_454_10083_10618_10307_537_536_10059_10884_10887_321_322_10103,searchweb201603_6,ppcSwitch_0&algo_expid=61348424-000c-4f19-87ca-4340bcde1fbf-17&algo_pvid=61348424-000c-4f19-87ca-4340bcde1fbf&transAbTest=ae803_5
make patches https://www.patchwarehouse.com/custom-embroidered-patch-free-quote.php
I have to think more about this: I want to provide a resource / tool / functionality for people at the most cost effective way possible. Think how elon musk does it. Hre sold 30,000 hats at 20 dollars each. He sold flamethrowers at $500 each to make $10,000,000 revenue. Instead of thinking small, and thinking about the individual item (this is important to understand the amount of time, energy, and space), but also in the BIG picture: how do I get 10,000 fanny packs sold. 100,000 fanny packs sold?
The link above was found after reading on reddit about the best way to implement bitcoin donations that are not easily tracked "crawled" on.
Sunday. Started the yardwork early. I had a lot of rearranging, pulling weeds, cutting grass, and moving all of the bricks where they are supposed to go. Finished up around 12, when cesar called. We caught up, he told me where he is at in life, and we talked for 1hr +. Michael came over, then Miguel. Tracie and I worked out with them for a little bit before she had to go to work. We practived martial arts: MIguel showed jui jitsu, and mchael showed Haikido. Then weight lifting. We went to buy groceries, and made the food. Tracie came home, we talked. She fell asleep as we were listening to The Mootens Podcast (episode with Jacob). I had the idea I wanted to update a BUSINESS website with my workflow to see what the advantages and limitations my coding workflow provides. Tracie worked with
Saturday. Woke up and cleaned up my backyard: pulled weeds. The plan is for friends/ coworkers to come over tomorrow so we can work out. When Michael and I came outside on Thursday and made the plan, it was disgusting in my mind because it has been neglected. I knew I could get the work done in time before they came so I started cleaning this morning.
Went to Jacobs house, went to SF for the Sakura festival, then we went back home, did a podcast, and watched the UFC fight with Nenes.
Went home, slept when Tracie got home.
