This day started out like any other day. I went to the vocational school bus that always left after lunch and half the school day. As I walked onto the bus I saw a glimpse of the horror that haunted that bus every day. MRS. GREEN! The bus driver. Now this “women” as they called her was something of a different species I always thought. She looked like a smashed grapefruit on an elephant. Or any monster you would find in a dungeons and dragons book. She was a 350 pound 65 year old women who always had a mean look on her face and a bowel control problem. She would slick her short white hair back like Joe Pesci and wear these huge ridiculous sunglasses that covered about 60% of her face. Everytime she put them on I could hear the terminator theme song playing in the back of my mind. We never saw Mrs.Green without her sunglasses on. NEVER! Some people weren't even sure she had eyes under there. It was odd. This bus driver obviously thought she was hot shit. I knew a janitor who told me that one day when she was in the teacher's lounge she just blurted out in front of everyone “I know those kid's know I shit myself.” Apparently she wore huge diapers that could fit cattle. Most people actually didn't know this but she thought they did. Once when we were supposed to drive to school she stopped off into a circle K and ran inside. About 10 minutes later she reappeared, got back into the bus and continued our trip to school. Nobody really thought anything of it. But after hearing what my janitor friend told me. I knew it was her fluttering anus that exploded hot diarrhea into her diaper. I usually was a huge troublemaker on the bus ride from high school to vocational school. But for some reason on this particular day I decided to just be quiet and cool. Even troublemakers need to take a day off too I guess. As I sat in my bus seat and relaxed and prepared myself for a 30 minute bus ride I saw the other kids get on the bus and choose their seats. Then I noticed who sat in the seat right across from me. It was that ruthless fucker Jeremy Tibbs. Now this kid was beyond a wannabee. He always tried to act like everyone else. And I think for some reason he noticed I was taking the day off from being a troublemaker because he had that look in his crusty eyes like he was gonna cause trouble. I wasn't sure if this was because I wasn't causing trouble and he felt like he had to, or if it's just because he's a poser bitch who wanted to be like me so he acted like me a lot. So anyways he was being loud and mouthy to everyone trying to piss people off like I usually did. I ignored him because I was in a calm, peaceful mood. Once all the kids boarded the bus, the bus door slowly closed and we started on our way. We were about half way to our destination when I saw little Jeremy dig into his little black backpack. I was wondering what he was fishing around for in there and suddenly It was clear. Jeremy pulled a big black D battery out of his backpack and was looking in all directions to make sure nobody was looking at him. I was thinking to myself whatever this sick bastard was planning couldn't be good. Then all of a sudden without warning Jeremy cocked his hand back and launched the battery right at the bus driver. I could see it happen as if in slow motion but I couldn't move. I wanted to grab his hand and stop him but something came over me. I just stared and watched as the battery inched more and more towards it's target. Then it found it's target. BOOM! It hit Mrs.Green right in the back of her head and she let out a horrific sound that sounded like a rhinoceros giving birth. “GWARRRRRRRHHHHHHHHAAAAAAMMMMOOOOOOO” Suddenly every kid's head on that bus bounced up and looked at Mrs. Green wondering what the hell was going on. Mrs. Green's head was flopping back and forth like Michael J. Fox. She picked up the CB Radio and screamed in it “I'VE BEEN HIT!!!! MAN DOWN, MAN DOWN!!” and she gripped her steering wheel with her pudgy poop fingers and yanked it to the right sending the bus screeching towards the side of the road. Before we knew it we were in a ditch. The bus damn near flipped and everyone almost flew out of their seats. Some kids actually did. As for me I landed in Jeremy's seat. I was almost on his lap. Once all the screaming and horror was over everyone's eyes were glued back on Mrs. Green. She slowly raised her head from being buried in her own huge tits. All the kids were in awe because Mrs. Green actually didn't have her glasses on. They must have flown off her face from the impact with the ditch. Lots of students were amazed to see her bitty little eyes for the first time. I think more were amazed from what just happened with the small ditch wreck. But I think even more people weren't even sure what the fuck happened. After a minute or so of awkward silence, Mrs. Green picked up her Terminator shades, put them back on her face and nonchalantly turned the bus around and headed back for high school. Now going back to high school instead of vocational school (our destination) meant that someone was in deep shit. She radioed ahead on her CB radio to the high school and wanted the Principle to be waiting when we arrived. I looked up at Mrs. Green and saw a pond of tears flow slowly from under her huge sunglasses. At this point I think I was the only one who knew what had happened. I watched the whole thing go down right before me and I don't think anyone else had seen it. But seeing Mrs. Green cry I didn't know if I should cry too or laugh my ass off. It was so odd. In a way I knew it was comical but at the same time it was evil beyond me. So I decided to laugh. I did some crazy shit on that bus but I knew better than to launch one of the largest batteries I could find at the back of someone's head while they were driving a bus full of kids from one school to the next. As we pulled up to the school I saw the Principle standing there with a very pissed off look on his face, and with good reason. The bus came to an abrupt stop and the door flew open as if Mrs. Green couldn't wait to let the culprit get their punishment. The Principle entered the bus and said to the bus driver “was the camera on” (obviously referring to the cameras they started putting on our buses to tape the crazy behavior of some of the kids) “NO” she said very disappointedly. The Principle then turned and faced all the kids on the bus and said “OK, Who did it?” There was silence from all the students. I think it was because no one even knew who did it because no one saw anything but me. How odd it was that I was the only one to witness this miracle happen in front of all these kids. Once again the Principle shouted “WHO DID IT?” Again silence. Then he looked straight at me and pointed at me and said “Come with me” I somehow knew this was coming. Being the hell raiser I was on this bus for so long, why wouldn't he think it was me I thought. But still I didn't do this and I wasn't about to go down for this because I knew there would be a harsh punishment. I simply replied to him “NO”. He repeated himself again “Come with me NOW!” he said. I again replied “NO” and I sat there like a cancerous tit. I could see where this was going. I was fucked. I wanted to point the finger at that pudding fuck Jeremy and just scream “He did it!” But that wasn't my style. I was not the type to blame it on someone else even if I knew he did it. The Principle then started walking towards me, I knew this was bad. He got right in front of me, reached for my arm, and just then at that moment Jeremy stood up and said “I did it”. I couldn't believe this booger dick was actually being man enough to stand up to what he did knowing the harsh ass whooping that would come from this. Obviously no one saw this and we both might have had a chance to get away with this if we both denied doing it if we were questioned. I mean how could they really blame me if there was no evidence. No witnesses, no tape of it from the camera. But That black snot we called Jeremy confessed and walked off the bus with the Principle. I am glad he confessed after all. Because I didn't want to deal with any of this shit.
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From @mootadoe