Last weekend, we went to a dog park. I don't have a dog.

I really want a dog, as does my fiance. But I have kind of put my foot down against it, despite that fact. Living in Downtown Shanghai, while we're both out of the house for extended hours (in her case, 9pm average, often 2-3am if an event is going on) is just not conducive to a dog life.

It's a 15-year commitment to an animal who loves the outdoors, in a place where the outdoors is miles after miles of concrete. Better to wait until our situation is greener.

Well, in the meantime we went with our friends, whose dog, Theo, is small enough for city life and gets the occasional trip to 'parks', which in Shanghai really means 'small patches of restricted grass'.

And I mean restricted. Here, we went to a riverside walk, in which a heavily caged off, but surprisingly lengthy area was catered to dogs. You are not allowed in unless you're 'with' a dog, and the size of your dog depends on where you are permitted to access.

Dogs were not to be off their leash at any time except for the playpen area, and you have to book ahead.

For a dog, they ain't gonna care. They get to be overstimulated by 100 other dog friends for a while. to me it just seemed very... well, dystopian. Of course, didn't help that I was being watched at every possible angle but I suppose that's normal here.

Shanghai, and CHina on the whole, has been particularly strict on dogs lately. As standard, only one dog is permitted in any household and they must be legally registered. A second dog will be taken away from you. Dogs have a limited size, a LOT of breeds are banned, and you can't ever take them off their leash, or take them to parks or any public spaces.

The extent of how these laws are enforced depends on how recently a child has been bitten by one, but when that happens, there tends to be a fairly brutal culling of street dogs, for example, in a rather vengeful attempt at justice.

So yeah, no dog for me, but if you have one here, there are some good times a dog can have. I mean, look at this - so many dogs!

Here's Theo

My friends hoped he would grow up to be a labrador or something. Turns out he's just a little mut street dog! But, beady eyes aside, he's super cute. Very timid. I don't go round theirs often so he's only just starting to approach me without getting scared after like 18 months.

Then again, if you put him in a swing, all his cares and concerns evaporate, and he just has the most chill time imaginable. Who could have guessed dogs like such things?

That face is a face of pure relaxation and... uh... pleasure. I didn't take a photo but his schlong was out so far that other dogs would rush to see what was going on and, well, I won't describe the events but dogs are weird. Must be nice having no shame.

My new phone has a cool feature that can clip out objects and people in a blink of an eye, so I made this suitable representation:

Oh he's a swinger, alright.

There was a fairly small but not insignificant little obstacle course for the dogs too, almost as if you could train a border collie to race the tracks there. Most dogs ignored it though, instead choosing to sniff each other.

So yeah, not the best place for dogs, but it can be done if you're happy with the risk and have a suitable lifestyle. For me, I might cave one day if pushed hard enough, but with the imminent plans to move to the UK, the fact that I already have 3 cats and cannot adopt the one that needs adopting, I'll try and hold out as long as possible.

But the fact remains. I will get a dog. One day.