One night, out of care, I slid into a female friend's WhatsApp inbox after reading a disturbing statement on her status. She posted that she was depressed. There was something scary about the way she phrased the statement, not to mention how cold I felt after seeing the emojis that accompanied the texts.
I don't take such statements for granted because I'm fully aware of the heavy burdens people are carrying. Also, I'm not ignorant of the fact that sometimes all people need to feel better is someone to whom they can pour out their minds. I have since learned that talking to someone about your troubles is therapeutic. So, despite having my own demons to fight, I sometimes ignore mine and tend to others, even if all I can do is listen.
On this particular occasion, after we began chatting, this friend shared screenshots of chats she had with her uncles and other older relatives that she requested financial aid from. From our conversation, I was able to gather that she lost her dad earlier, but her uncles pledged to sponsor her education. They didn't just stop at giving her their words; they went ahead and compelled her to secure admission to a health institute. They did all this without giving her a dime.
Instead, they kept encouraging her with flowery words, urging her to do all she could to procure an admission, with the promise that they'd step in and help with the tuition and other expenses as soon as she presented an admission letter to them. What she was urged to do made sense to her because she assumed that they only wanted her to prove her level of seriousness.
With little reluctance, she heeded their instructions and used all the money she saved to obtain and process admission into a health institution. When the time came for her relatives to keep their end of the bargain, they started fidgeting.
From the screenshots she shared with me, it appeared like they all conspired against her. It had to be a conspiracy because I couldn't wrap my head around the unprintable words they used against her. I mean, not from one person, but from about four of them. Even for me, a mere listener, their words hurt deeply.
Somehow, I was able to do my magic once again. I managed to talk her out of feeling miserable and hopeless. All I did was simply make her see life beyond the hurts and pains she was presently feeling. I made her see things from a different perspective altogether.
At the end of it, I saw her frustrations evaporating into the atmosphere like steam. She testified to feeling better and promised to face life with fresh energy and stronger resolutions.
We went ahead and spoke about other things. She became lighthearted. We had a good time smiling and laughing over trivial issues.
I sent her a few bucks. Even though she never wanted to accept the money because, according to her, she was owing me and not the other way around, I literally forced it on her.
Then it was time for me to leave; she made a request, telling me to check on her every day.
You see, when I was younger, I used to jump on every opportunity to be a hero and saviour, especially to pretty ladies, but I don't do that anymore. I politely declined her request, to her amazement.
Her surprise was well understood by me. She must have wondered, "This is a super nice gentleman who spent time listening to me, improvising solutions to my worries, and even sending me some tips; how on earth will he suddenly refuse to check on me every day?"
Life isn't that simple. I've always known.
If you're not careful, in your bid to help people, you might end up worsening their situation.
Here's the thing: the reason you feel hurt and pained when you're disappointed by people is because you invested too much trust in them. There's a level of trust that shouldn't be invested in a fellow human being.
I made her understand that if I obliged her request, I would simply make her transfer the same or even higher level trust that she placed in her relatives to me.
While it's an honour to be trusted, especially by an attractive young lady, I'm cautious enough to admit that I'm human. As such, I have limitations, flaws, and vulnerabilities.
What if I succeed in making her depend wholly on me, and later on I'm not able to show up for her like I did that night?
The truth is, if that happens, I will leave her worse than I met her that night.
Instead of obliging her request, I told her to depend on her inner strength. I made her know that she's stronger than she often credits herself for being. I told her that the best thing that can happen to a broken person is to realise their inner strength. "When you fight your demons and overcome them all by yourself, there's nothing that will ever break you again." I said.
It's not every time one must play the hero, especially in another person's story. Don't win for them; show them how to win their battles.
To date, I still check on her once in a while, not every day, not as a victim or patient, but as a friend.
From all I see in her now, she's facing her problem well, just like me and every other person.
You must not play the hero in everybody's story.
If you must help, show them how to fight, watch them fight, and only step in when necessary.
PS: 
