I have a theory, "why say sorry when you can avoid anything that would put you in a position to avoid being sorry".
It is not pride or ego but where I'm from I was taught that saying sorry makes one weak and is seen as a simp, either a man or a woman, so we were taught to always do what is right and fair to others to avoid being a simp.
Along the line, I've grown to know things are not that way, never were they that way. We were taught this to help us build our self-esteem and moral standards high.
It is one thing to say you're sorry, and it's entirely different to be sorry. Let's take a kid for an instance, a kid was caught picking money from his father's pocket or maybe even his friend, and when confronted he says he's sorry just to avoid being chastised or something, it's obvious he isn't sorry, he doesn't feel sober or regrets his actions he's only saying his sorry so he would be pardoned and his punishment be taken away from him.
In the world we live in today, a lot of people have turned to customize bad characters with names so they won't feel bad when they do any of it. It gets wild that people relate their bad characters to their zodiac signs, so most of them use it as an escape route to say they are right and won't apologize when they are wrong.
I learned to teach myself to do what's right and accept blame when I am wrong because I won't want to live with the mindset of others and not accept when I'm wrong. I also taught myself to be sorry when I say I'm sorry, I get sober at my actions and even punish myself so I'll abstain from doing what made me sorry another time.
I'm not trying to portray myself as rude, mean, or even selfish, but this is what it was like when I was in a position where I found it hard to apologize and say sorry, the incident goes thus.
This girl that I knew from afar became a friend in the blink of an eye, we talked, and she did most of the confiding by telling me a lot and how she imagined our friendship to be because she feels right around me, amusingly all these happened on our day one but then two weeks later she stepped on my tail (so I thought).
She made me have regrets concerning letting her know about me (though little), I was ready to tear her skin off her bones cause I thought "..yo! you seeking attention from my man, bitch you mad or something??". And all that she did without letting me know, which I felt at least I should be told.
Typical for us girls.
I stopped talking to her, I couldn’t stand her anymore. The only thing I gave off towards her was the total opposite of exuberance which I wasn’t remorseful of, not even for a second cause she deserved it.
I was relatively upset with him too, but it wasn’t his fault cause to me she’s been throwing herself at him. She walked up to me one time and spoke to me, telling me how obvious it was that we were not as before, then I went on and on about how scandalous I found what she did to me.
She explained how she didn’t always want to be transparent about what bothered her to him, but one thing led to another she had to and I saw that I’ve been making a whole lot from arrant nonsense.
I pretended not to want to listen because, after all, she was right and I couldn’t let her have it easily (the apology), I let it be that we talked about that same thing repeatedly. She told me how hurt she was because she never thought we’d go against our amalgamation.
She was deeply hurt, and just to avoid taking the blame, I was keen on my justification that “I was insecure...”
At end of it all I said I was sorry,
she looked at me and I saw in her eyes that it hadn't hurt any less. Luckily she was glad I saw the truth and accepted it.
I still reckon how hard it was for me to apologize, someone else in my shoes would not have shown remorse and it wasn’t regarded worthy with so much sincerity of heart, yet!
And after that misunderstanding, we never had our spark like we used to, we still do talk, and chat but it always ends awkwardly and no one is ready to start anything about making us like we used to be.
For the record, she still talks to my "Man" and he has reassured me countless times that he's never going to have anything to do with her, do I trust this you might wanna ask, yes I do trust him with my life I can say.
Till next time, stay safe, and don't hesitate to say sorry when you're wrong.
