“Outside my building.” Was the last message I have of us on our phone. You know how you can tell I really love this person? I don’t want to move on. I really don’t. Many tell me to. But I can’t. I just can’t. You know I shouldn’t be crying about the incident or that he went to jail. Crying doesn’t bring anything back. But I have to cry. This is the pain inside me right now. I miss him. I seriously miss him. I don’t cry like this for guys. I don’t. Why do I love him so much? Maybe because his teaching helped me grow. He has made me into a better person. Well I made myself into a better person but he helped. You know what breaks my heart that he thought I was cheating the day of the incident. I don’t cheat. I can’t cheat. If I accuse him of cheating he’ll go on a tangent that he doesn’t cheat. I recently got accused of cheating. It wasn’t true. The man wanted sex and I said “no.” He went crazy and I never saw him again. But I do miss him though (my boyfriend not the crazy sex guy.) He posted some pictures and videos man does he look good. I want to hug him right now so bad. I want to tell him “hey liddo baby I love you so much and I can’t wait to see you.” But I can’t do that there’s a restraining order. Ever since last year no one wanted me around him . Would you believe me if I told you I haven’t been this happy in forever. My love for him is so genuinely real it scares me because I didn’t think I had that much love to give to someone. When I was at work I didn’t think about any of this I was happy. But then I see pictures of him and God does he drive me crazy. He makes me so happy. I remember the most littlest details and I laugh and cry. We were so confortable with each other. It was so amazing. I’m crying as I’m writing this while noticing my teeth are moving because I stopped wearing my retainers. It gets to my skin sometimes when someone tells me to move on. Especially my mom. Like I won’t. I won’t I won’t I won’t. Unless he tells me there another woman on the line then I’ll be forced to move on. He told me he’ll wait then so will I. The last time I saw him I saw him leave with his lawyer by the corner of my eye. I was too sad and shy to look up at him because we were just issued the restraining order. We were suppose to go to six flags but we didn’t. We never went. We took separate cars that day. How sad it was for me and I bet for him too. I’ve written so many poems about him it’s crazy. My feelings are too real. That’s why it amazes me people say I’ll cheat on him. I’m sprung on this man no one like him. I’m breaking inside and I’m so sad. I miss him. And whenever I see him well his pictures it makes me so happy. He is a nice guy. He took me to Disneyland for my 20th birthday. Why did all of this have to happen? Why did I have the incident? It’s too late for all these questions because it has happen. Now I’m just dealing with the headache and pain in my heart. I miss him so much and i love him so much. He will soon be in my arms I hope...
