All my life I have never had a say, I lived a life my parent wanted for me, go to school, get a degree, a stable job and marry well, mama will say, and I've played my role just fine as the dutiful daughter that I was. But as I grew older, the world seemed to shrink my horizons and narrow my scope.
I curled up on my by bed ignoring the buzzing alarm that had been on repeat every 2 minutes, I remember setting this alarm on the first day of the job, I was filled with much enthusiasm to make mama proud, but right now I wasn't even proud of myself, I've lived a zombie like lifestyle, wake up early, go to work, face the work stress back home exhausted in a career that was never my passion, I had lost myself trying to proof myself that I didn't know who I was anymore. I worked hard to get to where I was, and the thought of giving it all up was daunting.
I thought about the what-ifs, t. What if I got lost or hurt? Maybe I would meet someone special, or maybe I would be alone for months. What if I ran out of money, The questions swirled in my head, I felt all doubts and fears. But I wasn't backing away, for the first time in my life I felt deep relief that I was going to live my life for me and make my dreams come true.
"None of my children will be a model!" My mother thundered after I tried telling her my plans, this was the very reason that made me hold back and lived the life she wanted for me. It was Jennifer, my best friend since childhood, who had reignited the spark within me. We have been chatting about our lives more lately, just like me, she had been stuck until she made a big break through creating cooking contents online, then did her family take her dreams of becoming a chef serious, now she was the star of the family.
She sent me a link to a modeling agency on WhatsApp. "You should totally apply!" she exclaimed. My heart skipped a beat as I read the message still on the call with her. The agency was based in Abuja, not Lagos, where I currently lived. The thought of uprooting my current life and taking a chance on something new sent my mind racing with fear and excitement, I knew within me that I had made a decision.
As I stared at the link on my phone, I took the first bold step, clicking on it, and filling out the forms, a face card included, Jennifer had already verified its validity and I knew her to be very critical when doing that and I also checked it up online myself. I felt a deep sense of relief. For the first time in my life, I was considering throwing caution to the wind and living life on my own terms.
I thought about my mother's reaction realizes I was gone to pursue my modeling dreams. imagining the disapproving look on her face, maybe filled with sadness, but something within me had shifted. I was no longer the dutiful daughter, eager to please at all costs. I was a woman with dreams and desires, and I am ready to take a chance.
Mama, I will make you proud, if not I will be back to you
With determination not to mess up, I tossed aside the covers and swung my legs over the side of the bed. putting a stop to the buzzing alarm that played a remix with my thoughts, it was time to start living my life, picking my phone again, I began to read about the modeling agency, my heart pounding with excitement and a hint of fear. What lay ahead, I had no idea, but I am ready to take this leap.
