This is my continuation of dating back 3 old diary entries (over the past 6 months) that gets anyone interested- more up to date on my life. I am using the weird Star Wars metaphor of "going back in time" to understand the present. Something like that...
Postmark October 30, 2018 (a text message to a great friend of mine- answering the question, "How is life?")
As far as my life. I’m still peeling away at the layers that have cemented themselves due to my years and years of not acknowledging them. in search for balance. My mind and body are truly all I have and I now recognize that those 2 things, I value the most. I’m being patient with myself as I work through many complex paradoxes. Such as one where I am not happy with “where I’m at”, at the same time feeling really really happy, and being okay with the confusion. I know there are some thick layers of trying to be someone “society wants me to be” that goes far beyond paranoia and conspiracy theory- and brings out some anger and resentment- which again, am being okay with allowing myself to feel them as long as I don’t behave in a way that I treat others differently because of it. I would say it’s been a good month at doing my best at incorporating everything that makes me happy into daily habits, and with that, another paradox of knowing I’ve just scratched the surface- but that only means that my ceiling is higher than I ever thought it could be. I feel like I did tell you I hired an agent, but I hate him, and hate the contract I’m in.. and really just don’t like talking about that house. Not to avoid the elephant in the room that it needs to sell for me to move on- but the awareness that focusing on it brings my energy and vibrations down, so that is something I’ll deal with on my own. I’m also not really looking at “places to move”- (or being a barista.. fuck that.. did I ever tell you I worked at Starbucks for like 2 weeks once.. like 2013 or something) but similar to what I was saying about being “selfish” to ultimately be the most valuable, that’s been my main focus. And currently my best days consist of waking up early, hydrating, making sure I eat, eating a shit ton of broccoli and vegetables, spending 1-4 hours at coffee shops reading and writing. Going on one or two hour long walks, creative gym sessions, breathing, petting the cats and dog (I live with 3 cats and a dog) reflection, communicating gratitude, and making sure I get good sleep. Okay, thanks for allowing me a comfortable space to communicate. It means a lot.
and for those who made it to the end, here is a picture of one of the cats
Thanks for listening