I grew up in a home where girls were said to end up in the kitchen. I tried so many times to fight against it but nothing positive ever happened. Instead, I'll be beaten up and according to them, I was being disrespectful.
I tried so many times to speak up, to make them see the wrong in their acts but I was always silenced. One time, firewood was used on my head, in a bid to make me 'have sense'.
My dad wasn't staying with us and he never knew what was going on. I wasn't allowed to speak to him, most times and whenever he came around, the only thing I'd hear him say is, "Where are my sons?" Or, "Have you cooked for my sons?"
I questioned myself to know if i really was a child of my father or if I was picked up from somewhere.
This made me almost run away from home. I just needed to be free. For the records, many men in my community think the same way. I have a twin brother and a younger brother, too. According to them, my younger brother has a higher authority more than I do. Infact to them, I mustn't contribute to any discussion going on in the family because, I am not a man.
This affected my confidence a lot. It made me think less of myself.
One of those days when my dad was around, he saw the way I was being beaten and that day, he was really touched. He never knew this was what I was facing all through. That day, he instructed that I packed my bags as I would be traveling back to the city (Lagos) with him.
That was the freedom I had always prayed for!
Months after I got to the city, I met a guy. I thought I had found true love only to realize it was all fake. He was among those who felt a woman shouldn't bother speaking up or contributing to the society. I was happy when I let go of him.
Along the line, I met with another guy and we became best of friends. He would teach me a lot and even encourage me to do more, in order to improve. He made me come out of the shell I was in.
He would make sure I was always happy and he was ever ready to see me become the best version of myself.
When it was obvious that our relationship was going to lead to marriage, I was scared. Not for the fact that he would hurt me because I was so sure (still am) that he never would, I was scared of my family.
My family and tribalism are five and six. My father even swore that none of his children will never from another tribe because he would never consent to it.
My father saw the friendship between us but he decided not to say anything.
After he asked for my hand in marriage, I accepted, not ready to compromise to the words of my family. I visited my dad and told him about my new decision and his reaction was a shock. He smiled and accepted it! It wasn't hard with him.
His other family members got to know about it and it was a tough moment for me. Even my twin brother wasn't making it easier.
I was told that he would abandon me, he would marry someone else and he wouldn't take care of me. I was told that he was a poor man and that I would go hungry. I was told many other things I do not wish to remember. But for the fact that my dad accepted, I was glad I had someone supporting me. My younger brother was also a strong support system for me.
When it was time for my guy to visit my dad, he passed away that week. It was a tough moment for me. For my both parent to not be alive to witness my wedding, I was devastated.
My husband and I
We buried my dad later on and we had to wait for months before we could proceed with the marriage.
Against all odds, I married the man who made me discover my inner strength and power.
Taking this decision, despite all I faced was one of the best decisions ever. I've grown with him and I've even realized more things about myself. My passion came back alive and I have not had a reason to think of going back. Infact, there's no going back now.
Choosing him to be a part of my life is something I'll call a blessing. And, I'm glad about it.
Image used is mine
