It's generally pretty safe to say that all of us Steemians are no friend to Facebook. Part of the appeal of this social/creative platform is how it exists in opposition to what we've come to understand as social media and the one way relationship it fosters. Still, despite finding networks I'm much happier to be on, there's still a part of me that plugs into the Facebook infrastructure for what feels like necessity. It's ubiquitous to the point of parody. As soon as you apply for a job, the company consults Facebook before contacting you. After all, that's the same thing the hiring manager does with Tinder matches.
Facebook has been choking me out for a long time, and that feeling that my life is being constricted has gotten more unbearable over the few years. The advent of fake news, angry relatives, overbearing ad saturation, and privacy breaches on proprietary apps make it harder and harder to welcome Facebook into my life. Things things hurt and annoy me, but I couldn't put my finger on why until I started reading up on psychology a bit more. And that's when it came to me.
Facebook is killing my soul, because it doesn't respect my boundaries.
Psycho-spiritually speaking, our boundaries are the "no fly" zones of behavior that happens around us or to us. Informed by our values, our boundaries can encapsulate how people speak to us or touch us, what things about us its ok to talk about or point out, and even how we prefer and understand expressions of love or admiration. For instance, just because someone is your boss at work, doesn't mean they get to berate you or insult you. This would likely be a violation of boundaries, and you'd know because it'd feel absolutely shitty as it was happening to you. Similarly, if your boss were to lay hands on your in a violent or sexual way without permission, they'd be way past any reasonable level of contact, far beyond your boundaries, and potentially subject to vicious physical retaliation.
This boundary breaking is sort of the core of Facebook's philosophy. Between oversharing friends, dating mining, and being advertised to based on likes and sites outside of Facebook you visit, being part of the Facebook infrastructure is an abject lesson on the futility of anonymity. Add to that being in an echo chamber where hearing only views you are prescribed to like and you can see how your boundaries continue to take a beating day after day using the platform.
Do you care about honesty? Too bad, everyone you know is likely "padding their stats" and posting things exclusively to look good online. Do you care about concentration or alone time? Well if you've downloaded Facebook Messenger on your phone, you are now at the mercy of anybody that wants to contact you at any time unless you jump through a variety of hoops to take yourself offline (which Facebook randomly forgets every happened). And heaven forbid you don't respond enough or do enough liking and commenting, because people in real life will ask you if you've seen various posts and pictures, if you've gotten their messages and invites, and become upset with you over your etiquette (or lack thereof) on a digital platform. God help you if you hate Facebook and have FOMO (fear of missing out), because if you leave, you'll never know when another event is happening in your community or peer group. You're persona non grata. Basically Michael Westen at the beginning of Burn Notice.
What I'm Doing About Facebook
Basically, I had to make a choice. Once I realized how Facebook was making me feel and accounting for the increase in anxiety it brought forth, I knew I needed to distance myself from the platform. Unfortunately, due to where I am (Cambodia) and what I do (musician), I still require Facebook for promotional purposes. But I've basically decided to shut down people's ability to tag or contact me, use non proprietary apps like Tinfoil and and Lite Facebook, and I'm currently in the process of creating a fake account and giving it admin access over my band and event pages so I can orchestrate through them. It's a process, and it's taking some time, but I'm already feeling better because I better control the flow of information coming through me. In the mean time, I'm looking forward to getting back to being more active here on Steemit!