#1 piece of advice for new foster parents is to start a log & DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Email a report to the child’s Caseworker on a regular basis (weekly). Include the child’s Attorney if you wish. Document doctor visits, visitation (who was present, where, how kids acted before/during/after), behavior/school report, etc. Try to stick to the facts and not your own feelings or assumptions. If something becomes an issue or concern to you that you would like to report, you will not look like some one with an agenda. It is just something you have always done from the beginning. It also helps the Caseworker to write her/his reports for court.
#2 Make the child’s Caseworker your new BFF. If you can compromise to make something a little easier on her/him, do it! They will see that you are making an effort to be part of the team.
#3 Don’t think “they” are playing both sides. KNOW that they ARE! OKDHS primary interest and responsibility is what’s best for the child in foster care, not you or your family. They are always working the reunification plan 100% AND the back up plan 100%. The plan is always “reunification” until it becomes “termination” and that’s when they need to make sure that the back up plan is fully vetted and ready to go.
#4 Don’t freakout when statements are made in court. Sometimes the Caseworkers, Attorneys or Judge will make statements in court that might sound the opposite of what you had been told or discussed with involved parties. They might act like they believe the bio-parents or don’t believe you. The fact is that it is not their place to call someone a liar. The court operates on facts. For example, if the bio parents say that they completed their plan and are drug free, the court might make a statement that the plan is reunification until and unless they are given facts (proof) that shows otherwise. This legal system also ensures that a bio-family has been given every chance to do their part to reunite their family and would only have failed because of their own lack of ability/effort.
#5 When/if things get hard, don’t bash the system/effort. It’s kind of like talking about a family member. You can pick on your sister, but no body else better even look at her crossways. Get in a strong foster support group where you can safely vent and find solutions, but don’t bash to outside individuals who will just look at your struggles as an excuse not to do their part.
#6 Make sure you have a respite caregiver who is familiar with your child and truly willing and able to care for them if something comes up. Lack of creating your own support can leave you exhausted and feeling alone.
#7 If you have an emergency that cannot wait and are unable to reach your child’s Caseworker or Supervisor, call the Caseworker hotline (1800-522-3511) and someone “on call” will help you. STOP! Save this number in your phone right now!
#8 If/when a child is reunified with bio family and you want the child to stay with you, remember why you got into foster care and that it was to help a child/family in need for however long God see’s fit. If your intention was to adopt, remember that you chose fostering over going directly thru adoption and that it was worth the risk at that time. Accept that it was not meant to be. You went into it with your eyes wide open knowing that approximately 50% of kids are reunified with their family of origin. If this is not why you are fostering, be honest with yourself and seek another avenue of fulfilling your intention. *see rule #5
#9 Reserve judgement when you are not personally involved with the details. There are always three sides to every story, his, hers and the truth. I believe that satan is like a mushroom and thrives darkness and “B.S.”. The confidentiality surrounding foster care can be a hotbed of opportunity for lies, deception and spiritual warfare. Usually the person making the most noise is the least involved with the real details. The people who are close to the truth have responsibility not to disclose inside information that might make you understand their side/decision/point of view, but are willing to sacrifice public opinion to protect the individuals who’s lives it critically affects.
#10 PRAY! Pray everyday. Pray for the child, their family, your family, the Caseworkers, the DA, Judges & Attorneys. *this probably should be #1!
Enjoy the journey! Each day with a child that God placed in your home is a gift. Lean on God and learn more about yourself. Learn to see how God loves us unconditionally, specifically without ownership. Trust that today your are no less, or more, their parent and important to them no matter the outcome. Although you may never see the end result, you are changing the future of generations through your love!
“We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.” – Mother Teresa
