I have always wanted a life as a writer. I was always drawn to it, even back in the days when there was only the typewriter or pen and paper, to scribble what imaginative stories I have, lurking in the deepest darkest region of my mind.
However, I don't remember ever finishing a novel, or a story, or a screenplay. I had a few poems, but none exist now.
I did some writing stunt again, a decade back, but it wasn't until 4 or 5 years ago that I had the chance to write up a few blog articles. A FEW. Can actually count in 1 hand.
I am what they call, a procrastinator. I don't finish anything. I will start on something then end up doing another thing, stop again in the middle and start on again on something.
And that is what my life has been for more than a decade now.
I go from one job to another. Start up full of enthusiasm and hope and angst. Then slowly dive in the abyss of non existence, a failure to create a life balance on work and life itself.
Then, at that time, I will lose all jest and anxiety will creep in, giving me the best reason to leave that job and start with something new. More than once, that will be home based job.
But of course, given that home based does not provide a fixed income, I then again go back to the corporate world, struggle to stay alive for a year or so and the cycle goes back.
Realization creeps, well, I am not meant for corporate. I don't have the spirit of a fighter. I don't have the courage to stay afloat in the pool of power hungry, eat all you can, corporate savages. Yes. I call people in the corporate world, corporate savages. Sorry, but that is what I feel.
But, what I really wanted to say is, that we should not force ourselves into doing what we are not happy doing. I believe that there is always something that we are fitted to doing, we just have to look beyond what the eyes can see.
And that is what realized today. Corporate is no place for me.
I have to start again, doing what I love to do, and hopefully this time, I can drop the procrastinating and actually make some earning out of what I love.
