This resonates with me in every way. You and I have been through our fair share of heartache, heartbreak, and wondering what the hell just happened? I cannot even tell you how many times I've looked around while I was feeling low and said (to the universe and about my life) "I didn't sign up for this shit."
When it feels like you're in a riptide and you're only getting enough air to survive but it's really friggin' miserable.
And it's in those times that I've stopped fighting it and just accepted it. Instead of why me? I've asked Why not me? When I think, "I didn't sign up for this shit," I actually have to admit that I did...with every decision that got me from point A to point B. And in the acceptance, and looking at the debris that's left - I began to build. Every once in a while that riptide comes back and knocks down my sand castle. Sometimes I stay put and rebuild. Sometimes I pivot.

When we closed our deli, it felt like we lost a part of out identity and that we had somehow let the community down. There were forces that we just could not overcome or couldn't see to pivot from. In the aftermath, some days it felt like we lost everything. In fact, our house was foreclosed on. Our cars were repossessed because whatever money was left literally went to food and basic needs. Hard decisions were made. Moving 1200 miles from family wasn't one we wanted to make, but it was a strategic decision that needed to be made. My husband and I decided that WE were worth the fight instead of fighting one another. I've seen marriages break up over lesser things. We held on for dear life. I choose to say we survived instead of saying we failed. Those riptides keep coming, but I'm no longer surprised or upset. I just keep rolling with it, and catch my breath where I can. I know you're going to find your way. Eventually. Breathe where you can and start collecting the debris to build something new. HUGS